Amy Schumer - Belle of the Ball

Amy Schumer: Mostly Sex Stuff Season 1, Ep 101 08/18/2012 Views: 54,995

When a dude is winded from trying to hoist her up, Amy Schumer finds it hard to feel sexy. (2:05)

Watch Full Episode

I HAD MET THIS GUY AT A BAR.HE WAS FRENCH.

SO I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN,

BUT I DIDN'T KNOWHE WAS ACTUALLY FRENCH.

I THOUGHT WE WEREBOTH JUST, LIKE, WASTED

AND FAKING THE ACCENT,YOU KNOW?

SO ANYWAY, I MEETTHIS FRENCH GUY AND--

'CAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT'SA CUTE ACCENT ON DUDES, RIGHT?

THE FRENCH ACCENT.

IT JUST--IT MAKES MY VAGINASHUT LIKE A STEEL TRAP,

JUST PSHH!

I MEAN, THANK GODFOR THAT OTHER HOLE BUT...

[laughter]

MY BUTTHOLE.

OH, YOU KNEW.

OKAY, YOU KNEW.

UM, SO I WENT HOMEWITH THIS FRENCH GUY

'CAUSE HE SAID SOMETHINGADORABLE LIKE,

"I HAVE AN APARTMENT."

SO WE'RE, LIKE, MAKING OUT.

HE WAS VERY SENSUAL.

HE'S ONE OF THOSE DUDES,LIKE, HE STARTED TO PICK ME UP,

AND THEN HE REALIZEDHE WAS IN OVER HIS HEAD

AND I GOT PLANTEDBACK DOWN.

IT'S HARD TO FEEL SEXYWHEN A DUDE'S WINDED

FROM TRYING TO HOIST YOU.

HIS, LIKE,LEGS ARE SHAKING.

HE'S, LIKE,WIPING SWEAT.

I'M LIKE,"CAN YOU JUST PUT ME--"

I TRIED TO LAND CUTELIKE A GYMNAST.

I WAS LIKE...[giggles]

NO, BUT I DO--

BUT I KNOW I HAVEA BODY TYPE.

LIKE, I KNOW, LIKE,I'M NOT A TWIG.

LIKE, IF A CHEERLEADINGPYRAMID'S BEING MADE,

I KNOW I'M A BASE.

LIKE, I GET RIGHT DOWN--

I'M NOT LIKE,"HOIST ME UP ON TOP

"LIKE A STAR TONIGHT,YOU GUYS!

I WANNA FLY."

LIKE, I KNOW WHERE I AM.

I KNOW MY BODY TYPE THE WAYGUYS HIT ON ME AT BARS,

LIKE, WHEN IT HAPPENS.

AND IT'S USUALLY MY IDEA.

I'M USUALLY LIKE, "HEY."

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"NO, THANKS."

AND I'M LIKE, "HEY!"

AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OH."

[laughter]

BUT WHEN I DO GET HIT ON,

LIKE, THIS GUY JUST CAME UPTO ME, AND HE WAS FROM,

LIKE, TEXASOR SOMEWHERE I'M NOT GOING.

AND, UH...

AND HE COMES OVER,AND HE'S LIKE,

"HEY, I LIKE YOU.

YOU'RE STURDY."

[laughter]

I'M LIKE, "I'M SORRY?"

HE'S LIKE, "YOU LOOK LIKEYOU COULD TAKE A PUNCH."

I'M LIKE, "OH."

OH, DON'T I FEELLIKE THE BELLE OF THE BALL.