Steve Byrne - Psycho

  • Season 10 , Ep 5
  • 03/02/2006
  • Views: 15,903

Getting hacked to death by a tranny is an awful way to die. (2:51)

STEVE, WHAT MOVIE MADE YOU CRY THE MOST? I SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT?

JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME

WHAT MOVIE MADEYOU CRY THE MOST

INSTEAD OF HAVING ME INVEST IN THIS HORRENDOUS CONVERSATION

WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE, OKAY, BECAUSE YOU REALLY DON'T CARE?

SO, CRAIG, WHAT MOVIE MADE YOU CRY THE MOST?

GUESS WHAT HE TOLD ME? STUART LITTLE.

HE SAID HE CRIED EIGHT TIMES DURING THE MOVIE

BECAUSE IT'S A MOVIE ABOUT BEING ACCEPTED AND INSTANTLY,

I KNEW OUR FRIENDSHIP HAD JUST ENDED.

THERE'S A REAL MAN.HE KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

BUT THE LAST MOVIE I DID SEE WAS A MOVIE CALLED THE GRUDGE.

NOW, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, IT WAS DONE TWICE,

AN AMERICAN VERSION, A JAPANESE VERSION.

IT'S A HORROR FILM ABOUT A HOUSE THAT'S HAUNTED

BY A LITTLE ASIAN BOY WHO TALKS LIKE A CAT.

SOUNDS CUTE, BUT IT'S NOT. OKAY?

I RENTED IT BY MYSELFIN A HOUSE IN CALIFORNIADURING A THUNDERSTORM.

I PUT THE MOVIE ON TEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT.

AT 11:48, THE MOVIE ENDED. AT 11:53, MY POWER WENT OUT.

AND I WAS SCARED. OKAY?

AND I DON'T HAVE CANDLES IN MY HOME, OKAY? I'M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL.

I'M A GROWN MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE IN MY HOUSE

IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES,I'VE DISCOVERED?

STAR WARS LIGHT SABER. I'M NOT JOKING.

WALK AROUND MY HOUSE SCARED OUT OF MY MIND,

A TOY,WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE? [BLEEP].

IN MY BATHROOM, DOOR IS SHUT, BRUSHING MY TEETH IN ONE HAND.

LIGHT SABER IN THE OTHER. IT'S GLOWING, GOING--

- [EEEERRRR, EEEERRRR...]-- - [LAUGHTER]

AND I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I OPENED THE BATHROOM DOOR

AND SAW A HALF NAKED SIX YEAR OLD JAPANESE BOY

THAT OPENED HIS MOUTH AND MEOWED,

I WOULD HAVE CRAPPED MY PANTS AND HAD A HEART ATTACK.

OH MY GOD. EVERYTHING'S FAILING.OH MY GOD. JESUS, TAKE ME NOW.

IT'S TOO MUCH TO BEAR. SWEET LORD!

IF THAT MOVIE WASN'T SCARY, YOU KNOW WHAT WAS SCARY?

THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE SCARY, OKAY?

'CAUSE TO ME, THE SCARIEST MOVIEI EVER SAW WAS PSYCHO.

TO THIS DAY, I CAN'T TAKE A SHOWER

WITHOUT SHUTTINGTHE DOOR AND LOCKING IT.

BECAUSE THAT'S AN AWFUL WAY TO DIE, FOR THREE REASONS,

NUMBER ONE, YOU'RE GETTING HACKED TO DEATH, REPEATEDLY,

WITH A KITCHEN KNIFE. IT'S NOT QUICK.

NUMBER TWO, IT'S A TRANNIE. DO I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT?

- [LAUGHTER] - DIDN'T THINK SO.

NUMBER THREE-- HERE'S THE KICKER-- YOU'RE BUTT NAKED.

NOW, THAT'S A LOT TO TAKE IN YOUR LAST MINUTES ON EARTH,

ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO WAKE UP AND START THE DAY.

"GONNA WASH MY HAIR, GONNA-- [SLASH]-- "WHAT THE HELL'S

GOING ON HERE? SERIOUSLY, GET AWAY."

'CAUSE WHEN YOU'RE A DUDE AND ANOTHER DUDE IS MESSING

WITH YOU NAKED, YOU DO THREE THINGS.

YOU CUP THE GOODS,YOU GIGGLE AND YOU KICK.

SERIOUSLY. NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO KILL ME."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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