T.J. Miller - Bottomless Mimosas

T.J. Miller: No Real Reason Season 1, Ep 101 11/12/2011 Views: 5,809

From T.J. Miller's own personal experience, he knows that there's always a bottom when it comes to bottomless mimosas. (1:52)

Watch Full Episode

I'D LIKE TO PREFACE THISNEXT JOKE

BY SAYING THAT I DON'T KNOW

THE CORRECT PRONUNCIATIONOF THE WORD "PREFICATE."

SO I WAS READING THE "PRAH-FISS"OF THIS BOOK THE OTHER DAY,

AND I WAS LIKE,

THIS IS SO LONGIT NEEDS ITS OWN "PRE-FACHAY."

PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD"PREFACE" JOKE

DIDN'T GO THAT WELL.

THAT'S OKAY,I GOT OTHER STUFF.

UH...

HEY, WHAT DOGAY HORSES EAT?

(all) HAY!

HORSE DICK.

(laughter)

OH, YOU LIKE THATONE BETTER, YEAH?

JUST GETTING THE INTELLECTUALBAROMETER OF THE ROOM.

I LIKE LONG ISLAND ICED TEAS.

(cheering)

I LIKE LONG ISLAND ICED TEAS

BECAUSE THEY'RE MORE OF ASTATEMENT THAN THEY ARE A DRINK.

YOU KNOW, THE BARTENDER'SSAYING, "WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?"

AND YOU'RE SAYING,"ALL OF IT.

"I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT,PUT IT IN A TALL BEER GLASS

"WITH A SPLASH OF COCA-COLASO NO ONE CAN SEE

HOW LONELY I AM INSIDE."

MIMOSAS ARE FUN, TOO,BECAUSE IF YOU'RE DRINKING

CHAMPAGNE AT 8:00 A.M.,YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC,

BUT IF YOU ADD ORANGE JUICE,IT'S JUST AN EARLY BRUNCH.

BUT BEWARE OF THIS, OKAY?

SOME PLACES WILL ADVERTISEBOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS.

LET ME JUST SAY THIS, OKAY?

FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE,IF BY 10:00 A.M.,

YOU'RE SO DRUNK THAT YOU'REPHYSICALLY FORCING YOUR WAITER

TO WEAR THE FRENCH TOAST CAPTHAT YOU MADE HIM,

YOU'VE REACHEDTHE BOTTOM OF THOSE MIMOSAS.

YOU'VE REACHEDTHE ROCK BOTTOM.

(cheers and applause)