Deon Cole - Pizza and Problems

  • Season 11, Ep 14
  • 03/08/2007
  • Views: 9,087

Pizza places in Chicago will deliver to anyone. (2:26)

LIKE MY MOTHER, A CHRISTIAN. LIKE, SHE IS A SUPER CHRISTIAN.

LIKE, SHE GO TO CHURCH WITH A CAPE ON, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I MESSED UP REAL BAD WITH HER ONE TIME.

SHE WAS IN THE HOUSE PRAYIN' AND READIN' THE BIBLE

WITH HER FRIENDS. ME AND MY FRIEND OUTSIDE, WE SMOKIN' ON SOMETHING

AND MY BOY LIKE, [PUFFS] "HEY, MAN.

LET'S GO IN YOUR HOUSE AND ORDER A PIZZA, ALL RIGHT?"

AND I'M LIKE, "NAW.MY MOM IN THERE PRAYIN'AND READIN' THE BIBLE

WITH HER FRIENDS, YOU KNOW. PLUS WE GONNA BE TOO LOUD."

HE LIKE, [PUFFS] "WE AIN'T GONNA BE TOO LOUD, ALL RIGHT?!

I AIN'T NO PRAYER HATEROR NOTHIN' LIKE THATBUT I'M HUNGRY AS HELL

AND I WOULDN'T DO THISIF WE WAS AT MY HOUSE!"

YOU KNOW I HATE PEER PRESSURE, SO I'M LIKE, "COME ON, MAN."

SO WE GO IN THE HOUSE AND ORDER HIS PIZZA.

WHILE WE'RE WAITIN' ON THE PIZZA WE HAVE A MAN TALK.

TALKING ABOUT WOMEN, SEX, [BLEEP], IT WAS BASICALLY THAT,

WHAT WE WAS TALKIN' ABOUT, WHATEVER BUT.

I DON'T KNOW IF Y'ALL GOT THIS AROUND YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

IN CHICAGO, WE GOT THE GHETTOEST PIZZA PLACES

IN THE WORLD. THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE NO DELIVER MAN.

THEY GIVE YOUR PIZZA TO WHOEVER GOIN' YOUR WAY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M TELLIN' YOU, MAN. I OPEN MY DOOR,

THEY BE SENDING CRACK HEADS AND DRUG DEALERS.

OPEN MY DOOR. THERE'S A PIMP STANDIN' THERE

WITH TWO BITCHES JUST STANDIN' THERE, YOU KNOW.

HE WASN'T HOLDIN' MY PIZZA LIKE THIS.

HE WAS HOLDIN' IT LIKE IT WAS A PORTFOLIO OR SOMETHING,

YOU KNOW, JUST CHILLIN'. I'M LIKE "TURN MY PIZZA UP."

WE START TO EAT THE PIZZA. AND I STARTED THINKIN', "MAN, MY MOM WENT TO CHURCH TODAY.

I SHOULD GO SEE IF SHE WANTS SOME OF THIS PIZZA."

SO I GO IN HER ROOM.I'M HIGH AS A MINK COAT.I KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

I'M LIKE, "HEY, WHAT'S UP MOMMY. [LAUGHS]

"OH, WHAT'S SO FUNNY? OH, NO, I WAS JUST LAUGHIN'

"AT SOMETHING MY FRIEND SAID IN THE ROOM.

"I DIDN'T WANNA DISTURB Y'ALL FROM

"PRAYIN' AND READIN' THE BIBLE. I JUST CAME HERE TO SEE IF

"Y'ALL WANTED A PIECE OF [BLEEP].

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"MAMA-- UM...

MAMA, THE DEVIL BEEN TAKIN' OVER MY SOUL ALL WEEK."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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