Brexit Brupdate

June 27, 2016 - Joanna Coles 06/27/2016 Views: 1,685

Two trillion dollars vanishes from the global economy as a result of the U.K.'s decision to leave the European Union, causing some citizens to have second thoughts. (7:45)

Yes!

Welcome to The Nightly Show!

(cheers and applause)

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

I am Larry Wilmore.

Now, I don't know

if you guys have been watchingthe news the past few days,

but there was a major breakupthat everybody is talking about.

No, not Iggy Azaleaand Swaggy P.

(laughter)

Though I am heartbrokenabout that, too.

Hey, man, if those two crazykids couldn't make it work,

what hope is therefor the rest of us?

-(laughter) -MAN: Yeah!-Hmm?

(laughter)

Someone's over there,"Who's Swaggy P?"

(laughter)

Uh, it's an ex...I think he's still a Laker.

Okay, enough of that.

But I was actually talkingabout a much bigger breakup.

People have even gone so far

as to give this onea cute nickname.

MAN: The wordof the day is "Brexit."

-Brexit. -Brexit.-Brexit.

MAN: The word was "Brexit."

-Brexit. -Brexit.-Brexit.

Brrrr-exit.

(laughter)

Now, you're probably saying,

"Yo, Larry,what the hell's a Brexit?"

Well, to help us understand it,we have The Nightly Show's

own British chimney sweep,Nigel Crumpetberry.

-(applause and cheering)-Hi!

(with Cockney accent):What-o, Larry?!

-Hey, Nigel!-Yeah, that's right.

-By the way...-Thanks. Uh...

By the way, your flue'sas fit as a fiddle...

-Yeah. -...just in time forJuly. Just in time for July.

Yeah, thanks.I appreciate that, Nigel.

-Yeah. -Come on out.Come on out.

-All right, all right.-Now, Nigel,

could you help us explain,or could you explain to us

what is the Brexit?

Why, the Brexit is just the UKleaving the European Union.

Brexit means "British exit."

It's a portmanteau,

like "hangry" or "Hiddleswift"or "boldgy."

(laughter)

Which is "bollocks" and "dodgy,"

two British words that I can saybecause I'm British!

(laughter)

-Yeah, we get it. You'reBritish. We get that. -Well...

Okay, and anyway, Nigel,back to the Brexit.

How did this happen?Walk us through it, okay?

Okay. I thoughtyou'd never ask, Larold!

-All right.-(laughter) -Mm-hmm.

The European Union was foundedin 1993

to strengthen Europe's economies

with a single currency--the euro. Cha-ching!

Right, and the border agreement,right?

Right, what makes Europe worklike one big country.

"Oh, welcome to the EU, poorcountries, Portugal and Poland!"

"Governor, we needs work."

"Um, all right, come on over!

Easy migration,and Bob the Builder!"

(laughter)

Um, I think you mean,"Bob's your uncle," right?

No, Bob would never shag meauntie!

She's a right slag, she is.

(laughing):Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, all right,can you speed it up, please?

Just get to the partabout the Brexit vote?

(laughing): Oh, Larry,you're such a crippled gibbla.

(laughter)

Now you're just making up words.

Oh, flibbertigibbet!

So from 1993 to 2014,

the UK's foreign-born populationdoubles.

UK conservatives is like,"We're not Germany!

"Why should we floatall these deadbeat losers,

especially the brown onesfrom ISIS?"

-Wait.-(audience groaning)

So, you're blamingthe Brexit vote on xenophobia?

-Oh, you did it yourself there!-What?

Xena, the warrior princess, plus"Phobia," the Greek god of fear.

-(laughter)-No. -Nice. Yeah.

"Xenophobia" is actually a word.It's not that.

-Please continue.-All right.

Well, keep your knickers on,yeah?

All right, so, Prime MinisterDavid Cameron's like,

"But we can't leave the EU!"

And the conservatives are like,"Oh, do shut up, yeah?

We're in power you!Hold a vote!"

"Fine! I say, chaps,yea or nay?"

And the British people go,"(bleep) the EU! Brexit!"

So, let's go take the piss outof some foot, yeah!

Okay. Well, thanksfor clearing all that up for us!

-I appreciate it.-Yeah! Yeah!

Culturally-suspect chimney sweepNigel Crumpetberry, everybody!

-(cheers and applause)-No problem, governor.

-Uh...-Back to the roof.

-(groaning)-Nigel, uh...

I think you should really thinkabout a dental plan, Nigel.

You should reallythink about it.

Okay, so the people of theUnited Kingdom voted for Brexit,

but come on. I mean, it can't beall that bad, right?

WOMAN:It was a weekend of turmoil

after the prime minister saidhe will step down.

Meanwhile, the pound continuesto plummet against the dollar.

ROSE: Stock markets in Europecontinue to fall this morning.

Between today and Friday,

$2 trillionof global wealth has evaporated.

-Evaporated?-(laughter)

No, water evaporates.Milk evaporates.

Money doesn't evaporate.

-Somebody loses that (bleep).-(laughter)

That's $2 trillion!

Who votes "yes"to a true... true...

$2 trillion loss?!

I can't even say it!

(laughter)

It's so (bleep), it can't evencome out of my mouth!

-(applause and cheering)-$2 trillion!

All right, here's the thing.

One thing I knowabout the British, though--

they're very high-informationvoters.

I mean, they take the timeto study the issues.

The day after the vote,the most thing Googled

in Britain was "What is the EU?"The day after.

-(laughter) -You have to be(bleep) kidding me.

(laughter)

That was the second most Googledquestion.

Oh! And this is true, guys.

The firstmost Googled question was,

"What does it meanto leave the EU?"

(laughter)

It means you're gonna lose$2 trillion

in the global economy.

You know what I blame this on,seriously?

I blame this on the word"Brexit."

-(laughter)-I do.

It's just too (bleep) cutesy.

(British accent): "You goingto vote for the Brexit?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"Well, why not?Sounds cute." You know?

-(laughter)-Right?

It should have been called thefinancial (bleep) pocalypse

-or something, right?-(laughter)

-Right? "You think...?" "Oh!No." -(cheers and applause)

Ugh. Because, look,and here's the thing.

There were a lot of pro-Brexitforces saying that money

which was going to the EUwould be diverted

back to the UK, even thoughno one could say how.

And everyone kept contradictingthemselves.

So it's possiblethat a lot of people thought

that Brexit was going to bringeconomic benefits. Fine.

But the main reasonfor the Brexit win was something

a little more reliablethan economics.

WOMAN: The UK's high employment rate has drawn migrants

from poorer countries in the EU, like Poland and Lithuania.

But many in Britain resent these migrants,

and that resentment was a key driving force

in the decision for Britain to leave the European Union.

Yeah, good old-fashioned racism!

-(laughter)-(Wilmore laughs a silly laugh)

Let me see if I can explain thisreally quick.

Imagine you're an old white ladysitting in your car,

and a brother walks by, and youlock your doors and drive away.

(laughter)

Basically what Britain just did.

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

And, hey, by the way,no, no, no, no.

I don't meanto pick on old white ladies.

I might have donethe same thing, all right?

-(laughter)-(quietly): I doubt it.

If you don't thinkit's about xenophobia,

look who's cheering it.

Basically,they took back their country.

That's a great thing.

Trump even says President Obamamay have caused it

by speaking outagainst the referendum.

So classic Trump--say that something is great,

and then blame Obama for itat the same time!

The man can juggle.

(whispering):Because he's a (bleep) clown.

(laughter,cheers and applause)

Mm? (muttering)

Okay. All right.

But here's what really gets meabout this, okay?

England, you're upset

about foreigners cominginto your country?

You've got a lot of nerve.

You know who would have loveda nice clean Brexit?

India. Mm-hmm.

-How many times...?-(applause)

How many timeswere you the foreigners

storminginto a sovereign country

when your whole deal was,

"the sun never setson the British Empire"?

You're mad about immigration,so you Brexit,

but you guys used to loveto Brenter other countries.

-(laughter)-Right?

(applause and cheering)

You... you did, guys!

You were Brenteringall over the damn place.

So, very sorryto everyone in the UK

who doesn't know what'shappening to their country.

My heart goes out to you.

But to the Brexit voters, pleasego Breck yourselves, all right?

We'll be right back.

(applause and cheering)