Uncensored - Greg Fitzsimmons - Pretty Simple People

Greg Fitzsimmons: Life on Stage Season 1, Ep 0101 08/18/2013 Views: 15,826

Greg Fitzsimmons has a tip for women who feel like they can't get their boyfriend to do anything for them. (2:15)

THE BALLS JUST HANGING OUTSIDE,JUST HANGING OUT THERE, LIKE

THEY'RE SO IMPORTANT.

OF ALL YOUR ORGANS, THAT'S THEONLY ONE THAT LIVES OUTSIDE THE

BODY.

YOUR PANCREAS WOULD LOOK BETTERDANGLING BETWEEN YOUR LEGS THAN

YOUR BALLS.

AND THEN WOMEN WONDER, WHY AREWE SO HORNY?

WHY ARE WE PREOCCUPIED WITH SEX?

MAYBE BECAUSE OUR GENITALS AREOUTSIDE RUBBING AGAINST THE

INSIDE OF OUR PANTS REMINDINGUS, "THINK ABOUT ME.

THINK ABOUT ME.

THINK ABOUT ME.

THINK ABOUT ME.

THINK, THINK, THINK, THINK,THINK...ABOUT...

ME.

JERK ME OFF.

JERK ME OFF."

[laughter]IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.

WE'RE PRETTY SIMPLE PEOPLE.

HER VAGINA IS JUST TUCKED AWAY.

THERE'S CURTAINS AND SLAPS ANDFOLDS, JUST...

[snoring][laughter]

IT'S LIKE THE WINDOW OF A HOTELROOM: SHADES, BLINDS, AND JUST

HIDING.

AND WE'RE LIKE A DOG AT THESCREEN DOOR.

[growling]IT'S NOT OUR FAULT.

WOMEN CAN'T FIGURE US OUT.

"I CAN'T GET MY BOYFRIEND TO DOANYTHING I WANT.

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A LIST OFCRAP.

I CANNOT GET INSIDE THE GUY'SHEAD.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET HIM TODO ANYTHING.

HOW? HOW DO I DO IT?"HOW DO YOU DO IT?

IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.

SUCK HIS DICK.

DONE.

WE'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT.

IT'S A POWERFUL THING.

LITERALLY ANYTHING.

I'LL SHINGLE A ROOF IN ONEWEEKEND IF I THINK YOU'RE--

YEAH, I'LL DO IT.

I'LL KILL A GUY.

I WILL HUNT AND KILL A HUMANBEING IF I REALLY THINK IT'S

GONNA HAPPEN.

[laughter]ANYTHING. TRY IT OUT.

"HONEY, WILL YOU MOW THE LAWN?""I'M WATCHING THE GAME."

"SUCK YOUR DICK."

[engine turning over][laughter]

YOU GOT A LIST?

BUST OUT YOUR LIST.

GIVE US A TASK, SUCK IT, CROSSIT OFF.

TASK, SUCK IT, CROSS IT OFF,TASK, SUCK IT, CROSS,

TASK SUCK.

YOUR LIST WILL BE GONE IN AWEEK, AND WE'LL BE PISSED.

"PUT MORE SHIT ON THE LIST.

THE LIST--DICK SUCK--MORE."

[laughter]WE LOVE IT.

[laughter]I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET MY WIFE

ON BOARD WITH THIS WHOLESTRATEGY, BUT IT'S NOT REALLY...

[laughter]