Brian Posehn - Metal Band

  • Season 12 , Ep 21
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 56,169

After a joke, I'd love to go, "That was about my weiner. Now, f**k it up!" (3:38)

WOW.

[ AUDIENCE HOOTING ]

YEAH. WE'LL SEE.

FUCK YEAH.

THAT WAS LIKE THE CLOSESTI'LL EVER GET

TO BEING LIKE THE SINGERFOR A METAL BAND.

THAT WAS, LIKE, INSANE.

THIS IS ALWAYS LIKE...

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]THANKS.

'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS HEARABOUT STAND-UPS

WISHING THEY WERE ROCK STARS.

I TOTALLY WISH I WAS A SINGERFOR A THRASH METAL BAND.

AND ONE THINGTHAT WE NEVER GET TO DO --

PEOPLE JUST LAUGH AND GO,"OH, THAT WAS GOOD."

OR THEY'LL APPLAUD.

BUT YOU NEVER SEE PEOPLEGO NUTS,

LIKE START FUCKING PEOPLE UPIN THE PIT.

AFTER A JOKE, I'D LOVE TO GO,"HEY, THAT WAS ABOUT MY WIENER."

"COME ON!

FUCK IT UP! COME ON!"

"THIS NEXT SONG IS ABOUT MY DOGLICKING MY WIFE'S VAGINA."

"COME ON!

LET'S SEE IT."

I DON'T GET TO DO THAT.

I LOVE METALHEADS.

WHEN I MENTION METAL,PEOPLE GO CRAZY.

'CAUSE IF YOU'RE A METALHEAD,YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT UP.

METALHEADS ARE DIFFERENTFROM ANY OTHER FAN OF MUSIC.

'CAUSE YOU NEVER SEE, LIKE,SOMEBODY WHO'S REALLY INTO R&B

WITH THEIR SHIRT OFF GOING,"FUCKING R&B!

R&B!"

AND WE HAVE, LIKE, OUR OWNSYMBOL THAT MEANS METAL.

YOU JUST DO THATTO ANOTHER METALHEAD,

AND HE'S LIKE, "INDEED."

YOU NEVER SEE ANYBODY LIKE,"EASY LISTENING!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

EASY!

SO, THIS HAPPENED.

I WAS LAYING IN BED RECENTLYWITH MY WIFE, AND IT WAS NICE.

IT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.WE'RE BOTH JUST CUDDLING.

IT WAS, LIKE, A WEEKDAY.

IT WAS LIKE 4:00IN THE AFTERNOON.

AND WE'RE JUST LAYING ON THE BEDAND CUDDLING,

AND IT WAS JUST NICE'CAUSE THAT NEVER HAPPENS.

WE'RE BOTH VERY BUSY.

THERE WAS, LIKE,NO INTERRUPTIONS.

JUST LIKE 15 MINUTESOF PURE CUDDLING.

THE DOGS WEREN'T ON THE BED,

AND THE CATS WEREN'T DOINGWHATEVER THE HELL THEY DO.

AND THE PHONE WASN'T RINGING.

AND IT WAS JUST NICE.

NICE CUDDLING --HUSBAND AND WIFE CUDDLING.

IF YOU'RE MARRIED,

YOU KNOW YOU DON'T GETTO DO THAT OFTEN,

'CAUSE WHO WANTS TO?BUT ANYWAY...

AND THAT'S MY POINT.

SO, LIKE, I'M ENJOYING IT,BUT I STARTED TO GET HORNY,

AND MY HAND STARTSHEADING DOWN SOUTH,

YOU KNOW, LIKE,TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.

AND I GOT MY ARM AROUND HER.

SHE'S, LIKE, CUDDLED IN HERE,NICE, BEING ALL CUTE.

AND SHE SEES MY HAND GOINGDOWN SOUTH, AND SHE GOES...

I SWEAR TO GOD SHE SAYS THIS.

SHE GOES,"ARE YOU GONNA WHACK IT?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I JUST FELT LIKEA FUCKING IDIOT.

I'M LIKE,"I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT."

AND THEN,I SWEAR TO GOD SHE SAID THIS.

SHE GOES, "WELL, UH, DO IHAVE TO BE HERE FOR THIS?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

I SWEAR TO GOD.

AND I'M LIKE, "HAVE TO?FUCKING GET TO."

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

"IT'S ABOUT TO GET AWESOMEIN HERE.

I'M USING LEFTY."

SO, THIS HAPPENED, ALSO.

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