Jeff Dunham - Peanut the Woozle and Jose the Jalapeno on a Stick

  • Season 7, Ep 22
  • 07/17/2003
  • Views: 1,103

Jose Jalapeno isn't Mexican, he's Puerto Rican. (3:11)

Jeff Dunham: "CHECK IT OUT!"

ARE YOU READY?

"SI, SEÑOR."

NOW SOME FOLKS DON'T KNOW.

TELL 'EM WHAT YOU ARE.

"I'M THE JALAPENO ON THE STICK."

[LAUGHTER]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

"THAT'S OUR JALAPENO ON A

STICK."

TELL 'EM YOUR NAME.

"MY NAME JOSE."

"JOSE WHAT?"

"JOSE JALAPENO.

ON A STICK."

[LAUGHTER]

"AND YOU'RE MEXICAN?"

"NO, SEÑOR, MEXICANS ARE FROM

MEXICO.

I'M PUERTO RICAN."

AH.

"I'M FROM NEW YORK CITY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

JOSE, I UNDERSTAND YOU JUST GOT

BACK FROM VACATION.

"SI, SEÑOR."

"WHERE, WHERE, WHERE?"

VACATION.

"OH, WHAT THE HELL?"

WHAT?

"JOSE GOT VACATION?"

YEAH.

"WHERE WAS I?"

IN THE SUITCASE.

"OH, YOU SUCK.

JOSE, WHERE'D YOU GO?"

"I WENT TO ALASKA."

"DID YOU HAVE FUN."

"NO."

"HA! WAIT, WHY NOT?"

"I FROZE ON A STICK."

[LAUGHTER]

"THAT HAD TO HURT.

HOW DO YOU GET ON THE STICK?"

I DON'T KNOW.

"PROBABLY A HORRIBLE POGO

ACCIDENT."

WHAT?

"YOU KNOW, DOING, DOING

[MAKES NOISE].

OLE!"

[LAUGHTER]

"STOP LOOKING AT MY STICK."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"MAYBE HE MOONED A JAVELIN

THROWER."

WILL YA JU--

[LAUGHTER]

DON'T LOOK AT THE STICK.

"I'M NOT LOOKIN' AT THE STICK."

I SAW YOU LOOK.

"I SAW YOU DID, TOO."

I DID NOT.

"I SAW YOU LOOK.

DON'T LOOK ANYMORE."

I'M NOT.

"DON'T LOOK."

I'M NOT.

"YOU'RE HOLDING IT."

WHAT?

"YOU'RE HOLDING IT."

WHAT?

"YOU'RE HOLDING HIS STICK."

"HE HAS A POINT, SEÑOR."

MAYBE I SHOULD LET GO.

"YEAH."

"NO."

WHY NOT?

"I DO NOT WANT TO FALL."

OH.

"I WOULD THEN BE JOSE JALAPENO

ON THE FLOOR."

[LAUGHTER]

DO A LITTLE TAP DANCE, WE GOT

SALSA."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OKAY, NOW THAT'S TERRIBLE.

"NOT WITH THE RIGHT KIND OF

CHIPS, IT'S NOT."

WILL YOU STOP IT?

PEANUT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE

TO APOLOGIZE.

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

ALL RIGHT.

JOSE, I'M-- I'M SORRY."

"IT'S OKAY."

OKAY.

"I HOPE YOU DIE."

[LAUGHTER]

LOOK, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE

TO BE NICER TO ME.

ALL RIGHT, IS HE--

"COMO ESTA USTED?"

"MUY BIEN."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"I'M SPEAKING TO JOSE IN HIS

NATIVE TONGUE."

WELL, DON'T DO THAT.

"WHY NOT?"

WELL, IT MAKES ME FEEL LEFT OUT.

[LAUGHTER]

"HUH?"

WELL, I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH.

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU ARE A SICK PERSON, SEÑOR."

"YOU'RE A SICK GUY..."

"ON A STICK."

JOSE, WOULD YOU FEEL BETTER IN

THE BOX?

"IT WAS NICER IN THE BOX."

OKAY.

"OOH, DON'T DROP THEM.

ACTUALLY, THAT WOULD'VE BEEN

FUNNY AS HELL."

JOSE, IS THAT OKAY?

"IT'S OKAY."

OKAY.

"DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR."

"WHY NOT?"

"COCKROACHES."

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU HAVE COCKROACHES IN THERE?"

"ONE BIG ONE."

I SEE.

"ON A STICK."

[LAUGHTER]

SAY GOODNIGHT, JOSE.

"GOODNIGHT, JOSE."

AND THAT'S JOSE JALAPENO ON A

STICK.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES, APPLAUSE]

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