ANNOUNCER: Pleasewelcome, Jonah Ray.
-This is the Comedy CentralUp Next Talent Search.
Two comics from tonight's showwill be selected by our Comedy
Central judges to appear atthe New York Comedy Festival
and on Comedy Central'sComic to Watch annual show.
I'm Bradley Cooper on crack.
-I realized recently,I am not good looking
enough to be humble.
-You guys realize thatdrinking water out of a straw
is the exact oppositeof snorkeling?
-I still like to be a gentleman.
Like, I'll walk with women totheir cars so I don't mugged.
-I was just bit by amosquito, hashtag malarious.
-Russian people are like agoddamn car that won't start,
because they will always belike, zushzz, zushzz, zushzz,
nyet, nyet, nyet, zushzz,zushzz, nyet, nyet.
You look a random defaultstarter guy in a video game.
-I'm not really a lumberjack.
But I do sleep withflannel PJs on.
So I guess that makesme a slumberjack.
Come on, stand up.
-What are you gonna do about it?
-The winners are RandyLiedtke and Aaron Weaver.
-Randy Liedtke, you areone of two winners tonight
at Cobb's Comedy Clubin San Francisco.
How does it feel?
-First of all,we're all winners.
-Yeah, but some people arelike more winnery than others.
You know, how likeon a DVD, they
do like a director's commentary?
They did that withmy audio book.
They told me to come inwith the same microphone.
-Aaron Weaver, congratulationson a stunning win.
Did you find yourstyle and voice?
Because it's very defined.
Here's what I hate about ridingthe bus more than anything,
is sometimes you missit by like two seconds.
And you've got to sit therefor like 20 more minutes
and think about what you did.
I could've put the toasteron three instead of four.
I would have made it, man.
You know, I love StevenWright, Mitch Hedberg.
I started off straight, like--
-One liners, dead pan.
-Then I got likesuper like hip hop.
And it was too far.
So now it's like a bridge.
Just walking that bridge.
I'm a shy dude.
I'm shy and I'm single.
That's a bad combo, man.
Like my friends will be like,just go talk to that girl.
She's not going to bite.
It's like, dude, I'm notworried about her biting me.
I'm worried about going upthere and have nothing to say.
Like at least if she bit me,we could talk about that,
What seems improvised is justbecause I'm very skilled.
Yet you seem like areal fuck up out there.
-Yeah, it's a balance of beingpredictably dumb and just
actually being dumb.
I come across as actually dumb.
Yeah, yeah. you do.
-I found out that mypenis lost its job.
So if you know of anyopenings it can fill.
-Give a round of applause forevery comic you saw tonight.
Thanks a lot.
-Thank you, Randy.