Jesse Joyce - No Skills

Behrendt, Daniels, Yard, Joyce, Mac, Nystrom, Schaal Season 1, Ep 2 07/27/2006 Views: 2,773

Jesse Joyce has no skills for a real job. (1:22)

I just travel around and dostand-up which is great

'cause, like, I can't doanything else.

I have no skills, you know.

Yeah, like, I tried the day jobroute for a while,

but I was always a comic anyway,

so I tend to screwaround the interview

and that doesn't get youthe job, you know.

They ask you dumb stuffon job interviews

like, "What do you think you canbring to the company, Jesse?"

"I got a stapler."

"Other than that,I don't really have much.

That's why I was lookingfor a job, yeah."

"I kind of thoughtyou guys might have some kind

"of work for paycheckexchange program.

You know, help me out."

Single guy, don't have any kids.

The close thing I got,I'm in the Big Brothers program,

the Big Brothers/Big SistersOrganization.

Got a little brother.( applause )

Thanks. Yeah, thank you.

Thanks a lot.

He's a cool guy.

Thirteen-year-old kidnamed Zach,

lives in Queens,he's a cool dude

and, uh, I'm trying to be a goodrole model to him.

You know, 'cause that'swhat the program's about.

But it's hard 'cause we've hada different life experience.

So, like, I don't know howto handle certain things

that come up, like, uh...

He gets into fightsa lot at school.

And I've never beenin a fight in my life

'cause I'm a huge pussy. Yeah.

So I don't what to do.

It's like,"What happened, buddy?

"You mean that guy tookyour baseball glove

"so you kicked his assand got it back?

Wow, that's one wayto do it, huh?"

"You know, you could've justcried like a bitch

and quit playing baseballaltogether."

"Why don't you just convinceyour mom it was her idea

"and then develop a senseof humor as a defense mechanism.

That's how you become a man."

You can't have kids anymore.