WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
-OH GETTING YOU CAMERA READY.
INSTEAD OF KILLING YOU,
I'VE DECIDED TO GIVE YOUA CHANCE
TO VIE FOR CALLIE'S LOVE.
AND WHAT BETTER WAY THANTHROUGH A CLASSIC GAME SHOW?
HIT IT.
[upbeat music]
- IT'S TIME TO MEETOUR ELIGIBLE BACHELORS.
- GRIMES?
- I'VE GOT A BOMBSTRAPPED TO MY CHEST, LILLY.
PLAY ALONG.
- WHERE IS CALLIE?CALLIE!
- BACHELOR NUMBER ONEENJOYS MANIACAL LAUGHTER
AND HOSTAGE SITUATIONS.
PLEASE WELCOME BARNEY SNODGRASS.
[recorded applause]
- BACHELOR NUMBER TWO IS ALOW-LEVEL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE
WHO'LL BE DEAD WITHIN THE HOUR.
WELCOME MARK LILLY.
[clapping]
AND HERE'S OUR ELIGIBLEBACHELORETTE, CALLIE MAGGOTBONE.
[clapping]
BACHELOR NUMBER ONE,SAY HELLO TO CALLIE.
- HELLO, THERE, SWEET MAMA.
- BARNEY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
LET MARK AND GRIMES GO.
- IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- BACHELOR NUMBER DEUCE.
- CALLIE, IT'S MARK.
ARE YOU HURT?
- NO NAMES, BACHELOR NUMBER TWO.
BACHELORETTE, YOUR QUESTION,PLEASE.
- OH, COME ON.I'M NOT READING THIS.
- I COULD BLOW ALL OF US UPRIGHT NOW, IF YOU'D PREFER.
- BACHELOR NUMBER TWO,WHAT'S THE WILDEST PLACE
YOU CAN IMAGINE USMAKING WHOOPEE?
MAKING WHOOPEE? SERIOUSLY?
- CALLIE, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENSTO US, I WANT YOU TO KNOW--
[buzzer sounds]- I'M WEARING A BOMB, LILLY.
ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!
- ON TOP OF THE COVERS.
- NEXT QUESTION, PLEASE.
- BACHELOR NUMBER ONE,
WHY ARE WE A BETTER MATCHTHAN NUMBER TWO?
- I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED THAT,CALLIE.
BECAUSE I'M PURE EVIL,
A REAL GRADE "A" BASTARD.
AND DEEP DOWN, YOU KNOWTHAT'S WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
CALLIE,I KNOW WE'VE DRIFTED APART
EVER SINCE I GOT LOCKED UPFOR MURDER,
BUT YOU'RE MY SOUL MATE.
I SHIVVED SIX GUARDSJUST SO I COULD SEE YOU AGAIN.
- THAT MAY BE THE SWEETEST THINGTHAT ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME.
- WHAT?
- BABY, YOU KNOW TINY, BLACK,BILE-PUMPING HEART
THAT WE WERE MEANT TO BE.
CALLIE MAGGOTBONE,WILL YOU BE MINE FOREVER?
- [gasps]OH, BARNEY.
- SHE'S HIS, LILLY.AND NOW HE'S GONNA MURDER US.
WORK SOME OF YOUR COUNSELING BULL[bleep].
- THE TIME FOR COUNSELINGIS OVER.
I'M GONNA KILLTHIS SON OF A BITCH.