Michael Kosta - Too Much to Drink

  • Season 15 , Ep 2
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 3,143

When Michael Kosta is wasted he tries to take off his contact lenses more than once. (2:03)

FOR CLAPPING.

WE GOT IT RIGHT--COMEDY CENTRAL KICKS ASS.

[shouting]

YES, FIVE FELLASSITTING RIGHT TOGETHER.

HEY, FELLAS--HOW WE DOING-- GOOD?

NICE TO SEE YA.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD STUFF--NICE SCARF RIGHT THERE.

YOU'RE LOOKINGPRETTY GOOD.

YOU WEREN'T CLAPPING.

ARE YOU CLAPPING NOWWHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO?

YES, YOU ARE.

PLAID SHIRT,MORE PLAID SHIRTS.

LOTS OF GAY DUDES--BLACK PEOPLE, HELLO.

[audience laughing]

- CHICKS.

I HAVE A LEATHER JACKETON WHICH IS PRETTY KICK ASS.

THANKS, VERY MUCH,EVERYBODY.

I LOVE BEINGIN THIS CITY.

LOVE MINNEAPOLIS--I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

I'VE BEEN IN NEW YORKTHREE DAYS.

I'VE BEEN DRUNKTHREE DAYS.

THAT'S HOW MUCHI'VE BEEN DRINKING.

THANK YOU.

[cheers and applause]

DRUNK WITH YOU AND YOUAND YOU AND YOUR LITTLE HAT.

HERE'S HOW YOU KNOW YOU'VE HADTOO MUCH TO DRINK, NEW YORK.

I WENT BACK TO THE HOTELLAST NIGHT, WASTED.

FIRST THING I DO WHENI GO BACK TO THE HOTEL,

'CAUSE I'VETRAINED MYSELF,

I TAKE OFF MY CONTACTLENSES, OKAY?

THEN I HADA FEW MORE DRINKS.

THEN I TRY TO TAKE OFFMY CONTACT LENSES.

YOU EVER DONE THATTWICE IN A ROW?

OH, MY GOD,I AM HAMMERED.

I AM GRIPPING MY EYE BALLRIPPING RIGHT DOWN MY RETINA.

OH, MY GOD!

[audience laughing]

WHERE THE HELLIS MY CONTACT LENS?

SOMETIMES, I GET SOHAMMERED I WILL PASS OUT

WITH THE CONTACTSSTILL ON MY EYEBALLS.

WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING--I FORGET THEY'RE THERE.

POP IN TWO NEW,FRESH CONTACTS

OVER MY ORIGINALPAIRS OF CONTACTS.

I HAVE 18 PAIRS IN EACHONE OF MY EYES RIGHT NOW.

[audience laughing]

I CAN SEE YOUR SOULS.

I CAN SEEYOUR CLEAVAGE.

NICE JOB FORYOU, SWEETHEART.

NICE JOBFOR YOU, BUDDY.

[audience laughing]

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