Ahhhhh-- Any--Anybody here in love?
No one? Two people?Three people?
I-- I got the originalresponse.
The original responsewas no.
And then you feltyou had to clap.
But I know the real truthis no,
because you livein New York City.
Welcome to New York City,people.
You're not goingto find love here.
Check your emotionsat the tunnel.
No love to be foundon this island.
I hope you're all enjoyingyour careers instead.
Dating's hard in New York.It's tough.
Dating's tough.Uh, you know,
everyone's texting.That's all they're doing.
It's how you connectwith each-- With each other.
I know a lotof you young guys,
you're just sending outdick pics all day.
All day. Handing them outlike business cards.
Just throwing them out.
You throw out a hundred,you get two-- Two responses.
You know, like,that's two people.
It's a-- It's a--You know, it's a numbers game.
I don't like to sexy text.I'm not a sexy texter.
I know you peoplecall it "sexting."
I call it sexy texting.
It's a funnier term.
Um, I-- I feel likewhen you text someone,
it's all about where they arewhen they receive it,
not where you arewhen you send it.
When you send it you're sittingon your couch pants down,
and you're like,Oh, everyone's ready for this.
Just because you aredoesn't mean they are.
In my neurotic head,
if I send out a sexy textto someone--
Like, if I send out,"I want to do you right now,"
I picture they're inthe hospital.
Their motherhas just died.
They're still holding onto her hand.
[IMITATING PHONE VIBRATING]
What, you want to do meright now? Really?
And then you becomethe creepy guy
who did the creepy thing.
And every girl has that storyof the creepy guy
who did the creepy thingthing to her.
Every one of you has one.