Roy Wood Jr. - Kids

Lampert, Wood Jr., Leggero, Rannazzisi Season 9, Ep 910 11/11/2005 Views: 3,051

Roy Wood Jr. wants a big family (1:48)

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I WANT A BIG FAMILY, THOUGH. I WANT LIKE FIVE, SIX KIDS.

BUT MY PLAN ISWHEN I START MY FAMILY,

I'M GONNA MAKE MY WIFE HAVE ALL SIX KIDS AT ONCE.

THAT WAY WE GETFREE STUFF FROM OTHER AMERICANS.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW IT IS IN AMERICA,

YOU HAVE SEXTUPLETS PEOPLE LOSE THEY DAMN MIND. THEY CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, HALLELUJAH. YOU HAD SIX KIDS ALL AT ONCE. THAT'S A BLESSING FROM GOD.

WE'RE GONNA TAKE UP A COLLECTIONTO BE SURE ALL YOUR CHILDREN

GET BLANKETS. THEY NEED BLANKETS AND SNACKS.

AND WHAT Y'ALL FORGET IS THAT MOST WOMEN WHO HAVE SIX KIDS AT ONE TIME

IT'S THE RESULT OF FERTILITY MEDICATION.

AND I'M NOT KNOCKING ANYBODY HERE ON FERTILITY PILLS.

IF YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDDON'T WANT TO ADOPT,

YOU WANT TO HAVE A NATURAL CHILDBIRTH, GREAT, GOOD FOR YOU.

BUT IF YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND TAKE A PILL AND YOU MESS UP

AND HAVE MORE KIDS THANYOU CAN AFFORD TO KEEP, HA, HA.

GO TO HELL. I DON'T OWE YOU A BLANKET.

THAT'S NOT MY FAULT. THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

I'M TRYING TO BE FAIR ABOUT THIS, MAN.

'CAUSE EVERYBODY GIVES MONEY AND BLANKETS AND CANDY

TO SEXTUPLET FAMILIES.YOU GO ON OPRAH WINFREY.

OPRAH PAYS FOR ALL THE KIDS TO GO TO COLLEGE.

OPRAH GIVES YOU A MINIVAN AND THAT'S HYPOCRITICAL,

BECAUSE THERE'S PLENTY OF WOMEN IN THIS COUNTRY WITH SIX KIDS.

NOW GRANTED, THEY HAD 'EM BY FIVE DIFFERENT...MEN.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH. BUT THAT'S NOT A BLESSING FROM GOD, IS IT?

NO. THAT'S NOT...YEAH. YEAH. SIX KIDS, FIVE DIFFERENT MEN,

YOU AIN'T ON OPRAH, YOU ON MAURY POVICH FOR A PATERNITY TEST

TRYING TO FIGURE OUTWHO THE DADDY IS TO HALF OF 'EM.

YEAH.

AND SOME OF Y'ALL ARE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THERE'S A DEEPER POINT

TO THIS JOKE. MY POINT IS SIMPLE.

I JUST WANT TO LEAVE YOUWITH THIS TONIGHT;

HO'S NEED BLANKETS, TOO.THAT'S MY POINT.