New LinkedIn, Who Dis? - Tough Times for Clippy

Monday, June 13, 2016 06/13/2016 Views: 165

After Microsoft announces its plans to acquire LinkedIn, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Horatio Sanz and Nick Swardson come up with more horrible mergers. (1:31)

Microsoft has announced plansto acquire LinkedIn

for $26.2 billion,

making historyas the most anyone has ever paid

for a list of peoplewithout jobs.


hopefully,Microsoft does something

about all the e-mails sent to me

asking me to join LinkedIneven after I've opted out!

Every single time.

LinkedIn is basically"It follows, the Web site."


And I imagineMicrosoft just bought it

so they could (bleep)stop getting e-mails

from LinkedIn, as well.



Extremely...extremely ironic and sad,

because Clippy, the paper clip,

has been a LinkedIn power usersince being laid off in 2008.

Tough times for Clippy.Oh, no.

-(laughter) -Oh. That's too bad.-Oh, Clippy.

(in high-pitched voice):I can stretch my body

and do a reach-around

for five more.

Microsoft is calling it a deal

between the world'sleading professional cloud

and the world'sleading professional network

which is what I planon telling my children

to help them fall asleep.

Comedians,what's an even worse merger?

-Horatio.-Oh, my penis and my zipper.


-(applause and cheering)-Yes.

That is, uh...that's the other LinkedIn.

Points for you.Nick Swardson.

Uh, Ecstasyand my family reunion.

-HARDWICK: All right.-(laughter, applause)

-Points. Mary Lynn.-The Catholic Church and Grindr.

-(laughter and groaning)-HARDWICK: Well, I don't know.

-Wait a minute.Think about it. -(applause)