Dane Cook - Crappy Jobs

  • Season 3 , Ep 4
  • 06/27/2000
  • Views: 73,431

Dane Cook talks about working for his brother. (2:30)

WE'VE ALL HAD SOME CRAPPY JOBS,RIGHT?

EVERYBODY'S HAD CRAPPY JOBS.

WHATEVER.

YOU GOTTA DO IT.

FIRST JOB I HAD:

BURGER KING.

[woman laughs]

[mocks laugh]

[laughter]

I'LL COME UP THERE, MA'AM.

MY BROTHER GOT ME THE JOB TOO.

MY BROTHER GOT ME THE JOB.

MM-HMM.

HE WAS THE MANAGER,AND HE GOT ME THE JOB.

YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE COOL,YOU KNOW, BECAUSE HE'S MY BRO,

BUT HE WAS A [bleep].

[laughter]

HE THOUGHT HE WASTHE BURGER KING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

HE WOULD PUT ME ON DRIVE-THRUEVERY NIGHT.

WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON YELLINGAT THE DRIVE-THRU?

YOU KNOW,IT'S MODERN TECHNOLOGY.

I'D BE THEREWITH MY LITTLE HEADSET.

"HI, WELCOME TO BURGER KING.MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"

[shouts]"WHOPPER."

[laughter]

"SIR--"

[shouts]"WHOPPER, NO ONION.LARGE FRY."

[laughter]

"EXCUSE ME, CHEWBACCA?

"I'M BLEEDINGFROM THE EARS HERE, PACINO.

"LET'S CALM DOWN.

"ALL RIGHT.

"WE'RE DEALING WITH FOOD,NOT MISSILES HERE, GOVERNOR.

NOW, DRIVE AROUND!"

[laughter]

I WOULD RATHERHAVE HAD PEOPLE YELL.

IT WAS WHEN PEOPLEDIDN'T TALK LOUD ENOUGH.

THAT DROVE ME CRAZY.

YOU KNOW,TEN CARS OUT THERE.

I'D BE LIKE, "HI, MA'AM,MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"

[muffled, squeaky voice]

"MA'AM, HELLO,CAN I HELP YOU?"

"I'LL HAVE THE PICKLESAND THE SHAKES,

"THE SHAKE AND PICKLES,

"THE LARGE SHAKESAND THE PICKLES

AND THE PICKLESAND THE PICKLES."

"ALL RIGHT, MA'AM.

"APPARENTLY, YOU WANTSOME PICKLES.

"MA'AM, ARE YOU TRYINGTO MOLEST ME VIA DRIVE-THRU?

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

HELLO?"

[seductive voice]"CHICKEN TENDERS;SWEET SAUCE ALL OVER MY BODY."

[laughter]

"OKAY, MA'AM, DRIVE AROUND.

"SOMEONE GET SOME SAUCE NOW!

COME ON.SHE WANTS IT HER WAY!"

[laughter and applause]

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