Shaun Latham - Low-Budget Player

Shaun Latham, Tommy Chunn & Carlos Oscar Season 1, Ep 3 10/27/2011 Views: 3,373

Shaun Latham's financial situation has caused him to stop dating young girls. (3:04)

handing out problems,

and he gave me the choice of,like, lisp or lazy eye?

I'm going lazy eye all day.

For one reason: You can'tbe a player with a lisp.

Look, ladies, I know.

I know what's wrong with me.


But if we hook up,we get back to my pad,

lights turn off...Boom! Lazy eye disappears.

Let's party! Rrr.

♪ Holler at your boy.

'Cause you gotto entertain yourself.

I'm a low-budget player.I might dress like I'm cool,

but it's, like, a clearance rackgangster right here, okay?

You know, I can't be a player.

You got to be in a certaintax bracket to be a player.

I've figured out, though,how to pull off player moves.

Like, I can walk into Rosswith a $20 bill.

I'm getting this purple shirtand this vest,

and I'm walking outwith $14.50 in change.

That's a player moveright there.

(cheering and applause)

You know, half my problemswith my financial situation

is 'cause I'm just badat banking.

You ever use your, like,bank card, like, at 3:00 a.m.

for some snacksafter a night of drinking?


And then it bouncesin your account.

And then you end up spendinglike $147

on two Snickersand a Mountain Dew.

And you're like, damn.

I don't need this right now,Wells Fargo.

You know.

You just got to mess aroundwhen you're a broke player.

You got nothing else to do,right?

That's right. Right nowmy financial situation

has caused me to stopdating young girls.

Like, look, young girls,you're awesome.

You're sexy, you got nice skin.

But you've got things in yourlife I don't need in my life.

Like hope and expectationand ambition.

That ain't me.

(cheering and applause)

I'm a big old let-down, okay?

I don't need expectationsin my life.

That's why I only date cougars.

That's where the money's at,homey.

Like, sexy, independent,bangin' older honeys.

They got things to do,they got lives, okay?

That's why... Look, cougarsdon't care about nothing--

except that I show up,lay it down and scram,

'cause she's gotbig girl things to do.


But the biggest situationis that, you know, young girls--

like my ex-girlfriend was 22,

and she had this beautifulthree-year-old daughter,

but we couldn't alwaysdo things we wanted,

'cause we always hadto find a babysitter.

My new girlfriend's 41.

Okay, cougar's kids-- we don'tgot to worry about that,

'cause they're all grown up.

This cougar I'm dating right now

sends her 22-year-old sonto pick me up.

That's a player move.