Wanda Sykes - 'Til Death Do You Part

  • Season 1, Ep 1
  • 11/30/1998
  • Views: 19,406

Marriage is not all it's cracked up to be. (2:57)

( applause )

YOU'RE CLAPPINGFOR MY MARRIAGE,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OBVIOUSLY YOU DON'T KNOWANYTHING ABOUT MY MARRIAGE.

I'M SO DAMN HAPPY.

THE THING ISWHEN YOU GET MARRIED,

YOU STAND THERE AND YOU SAY"'TIL DEATH DO YOU PART."

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAYIN THE MARRIAGE VOWS.

MAKE THAT VOW,STAY TOGETHER FOREVER.

THE DIVORCE RATEIS SKY HIGH

SO EVERYBODY JUSTLYING THEIR ASSES OFF !

WHY DON'TWE COME CLEAN ?

LET'S BE HONEST,YOU KNOW.

INSTEAD OF STANDING THERESAYIN' 'TIL DEATH DO YOU PART,

LET'S JUST GO,"I'LL GIVE IT A SHOT."

THEY SAY MARRIAGEIS A CONTRACT,

THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY,MARRIAGE IS A CONTRACT.

NO, IT'S NOT.

CONTRACTS COMEWITH WARRANTIES.

WHEN SOMETHINGGOES WRONG,

YOU CAN TAKE IT BACKTO THE MANUFACTURER.

YOUR HUSBANDSTARTS ACTING UP,

YOU CAN'T TAKE HIMBACK TO HIS MAMA'S HOUSE.

"UH, HE'S BROKE."

"I DON'T KNOW,HE JUST STOPPED WORKING.

JUST LAYING AROUND,MAKING A FUNNY NOISE."

CAN'T DO THAT...

'TIL DEATHDO YOU PART, MAN,

THAT'S BIBLICAL TIMES,MOSES WROTE THAT,

THAT'S INTHE OLD TESTAMENT.

THAT'S WAY BACK THEN.

THEY HAD NO PROBLEMSAYING

'TIL DEATH DOYOU PART BACK THEN,

BECAUSE THEY DIDN'TLIVE THAT LONG.

THEY HADGOOD PLAGUES.

AS SOON AS THAT GUYGOT ON YOUR NERVES,

HERE COMES SOME LOCUSTSWHO JUST COME IN

AND EAT HIS ASS UPFOR YOU.

NOW WE GOTANTIBIOTICS,

AND PERSONAL TRAINERS,

TOFU.

WE JUST HANGAROUND FOREVER.

'TIL ONE DAY YOU END UPLOOKING AT EACH OTHER...

"I SEE YOUGOT UP TODAY.

YOU SHOULDSTART SMOKING."

I THINK MY PARENTSARE THE EXCEPTION.

LAST WEEK THEY CELEBRATEDTHEIR 43rd WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

THEY'VE BEEN TOGETHER...

I HAVE GREAT PARENTS.

THE THING IS,I GET A DIVORCE,

THEY DON'TWANNA HEAR THAT.

I CAN SEEMY MOTHER NOW.

"WHAT ? YOU'REGONNA GET A DIVORCE.

"IT'S JUST THAT EASY.

"THINGS GET HARD,THINGS GET ROUGH,

"YOU JUST WANNATHROW IN THE TOWEL.

"LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,THAT'S A BUNCH OF BULL.

"LET ME TELLYOU SOMETHING.

"YOUR FATHER AND IHAD A SHOOT-OUT.

"HE TOOK ONEIN THE ARM, OKAY ?

"HARRY, SHOW THEMWHERE I SHOT YOU.

"SEE, THAT'SLOVE RIGHT THERE.

"GOTTA LEARN HOWTO WORK THESE THINGS OUT.

"HE WAS WRONG,I SHOT HIM, YOU MOVE ON."

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