Anthony Jeselnik - Brutally Honest

Lissow, Jeselnik, Corry, Williams Season 9, Ep 904 01/13/2006 Views: 50,859

Anthony Jeselnik is brutally honest with his girlfriend. (1:22)

SHE'S ALWAYS EATING CHOCOLATE. AND SHE LIKES TO JOKE

SHE'S GOT A CHOCOLATE ADDICTION.YOU KNOW, SHE BE LIKE,

"KEEP ME AWAY FROM THOSE HERSHEY'S BARS.

I'M ADDICTED TO 'EM." AND, IT'S REALLY ANNOYING.

SO, I PUT HER IN THE CAR AND I DROVE HER DOWNTOWN.

I POINTED OUT A CRACK ADDICT.

AND I SAID, "YOU SEE THAT, HONEY?

WHY CAN'T YOU BE THAT SKINNY?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND SOME FANCY LINGERIE.

AND SHE ACTUALLY GOT MAD. SHE SAID, "ANTHONY,

I THINK THIS IS MORE OF A GIFT FOR YOU THAN IT IS FOR ME."

AND, I SAID, "WELL, IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL,

IT WAS ORIGINALLY A GIFTFOR MY LAST GIRLFRIEND."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

[LAUGHTER]

LAST WEEKENDMY GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTSCAME INTO TOWN.

TOOK US OUT TO DINNER. AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT

UNTIL THEY ASKED ME,"ANTHONY, WHEN DO WE GETTO MEET YOUR PARENTS?"

AND I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT THAT SERIOUS ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]