(cheering and applausecontinues)
Well, that is very nice.Uh, I'm very happy to be here.
Now, is that...was that for me or the fact
that we're this closeto having a black president?
Is that... is that it?
Look at the white people.They ain't sure.
"Wait, it's not over yet, pal.Hang on (bleep)."
I didn't... I didn't think
it was gonna work outlike that, man, I didn't.
I didn't think no way in hellthe country was gonna vote
for a dude namedBarack Hussein Obama.
Ain't that something?
I was at home, like,"There ain't no way in hell..."
Did you see whenhe won the Iowa caucus?
He was the most shocked dudeonstage. He was like...
Well, yes, we can, then!"
He said some ofthe coolest stuff
I've ever heard anybody say.
"We are the we we'vebeen waiting for."
I'm like, "Goddamn,if you ain't president,
I'm sure buyingyour first album. Damn."
Then we have stuffthat's going on.
You know, the FBI actuallyran out of money
and had to suspendits wiretapping program,
'cause it couldn't payits phone bill.
Now, that's when you needblack people for that,
'cause we will getthe phone to come back on
in somebody else's name.
Use FEMA's phone.
Like they answer theirgoddamn calls. That's fine.
Now we got stuff that'sgoing on that is amazing,
like the mortgage crisis now.
Who... who thought it wasa good idea to give a (bleep)
making $3.35 a houra million-dollar home loan.
Who thought that?
"You don't have to payright now!
I don't understand it, man.
And then you watch the newsand stuff happens.
You know, when you'rewatching the news,
you can tell what color a personis by the way they get killed.
Like, I was in San Franciscoeight weeks ago,
a tiger got outand attacked three people.
Now, I'm sure black peoplewere at the zoo that day,
but we respect our instincts:
"Is that a tiger?"
Not white folk: "A tiger!"
I'm not lying.
Stuff happens to white people
I have never... like,11 months ago, 11 coal miners
were trapped in a coal minein Utah,
and we used the most modernequipment known to man,
and we were unableto get them out.
A month and a half later,
3,500 black gold miners
were trapped in a gold minein Johannesburg, South Africa,
and the next day, every oneof them brothers got out.
'Cause black folkain't waiting for help.
"Should we wait for help?"
"This is Africa,they will never come!
Dig, Umbutu, dig!"
Black people was popping outthe ground from everywhere.
"Oh, thank God!
Someone call Angelina Jolie.I need to be adopted! This..."
Stuff happens all the time,and then... you know,
I don't even know why you'd wantto be a... a political person,
because you're undersuch scrutiny.
Like, remember the gay senatorfrom Idaho
got caught in a bathroom tappingon the floor for gay sex,
which I had no ideawas a sign for gay sex.
But I'll never go
to the bathroom with an iPodagain, as long as I live.
Like, what happens
when you tap your footon the floor?
Does a big (bleep)drop out the ceiling, like a...
like an oxygen mask on a pla...?