Doug Benson - McGriddles

  • Season 13, Ep 2
  • 01/11/2009
  • Views: 20,435

Doug Benson has a McRib to pick with McDonalds. (4:15)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I WANTED TO DO THAT.I JUST WANTED TO DO THAT.

THEY MADE BIG LETTERS FOR ME.I WANTED TO RUN AROUND THEM.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU GUYS SEEN THE MOVIE"SUPER SIZE ME"?

YEAH?

WHERE THAT GUY MORGAN SPURLOCK,

HE ATE McDONALD'S ALL DAY,EVERY DAY, FOR 30 DAYS

AND HE FILMED HIMSELFAND HE CALLED IT A MOVIE?

IT WAS DISGUSTING.

IF THAT'S A MOVIE,

I'VE GOT A MOVIECURRENTLY AVAILABLE ON DVD.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

OH, SOME OF YOU HAVE SEEN IT.

MY MOVIE IS CALLED"SUPER HIGH ME."

YES.

AND YOU HAVE TO PAUSEWHEN YOU SAY IT OUT LOUD

BETWEEN THE WORDS"HIGH" AND "ME"

BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT SOUNDS

LIKE IT'S ABOUT AN AWESOMEMEXICAN OR JEWISH FELLOW

WHO TACKLES CRIME AND WHATNOT

NAMED "SUPER JAMIE."[hymie]

AND, UM...

I WANTED McDONALD'STO BE IN MY MOVIE, TOO,

QUITE FREQUENTLY,

'CAUSE I LOVE MESOME McDONALD'S.

BUT I HAVE A PROBLEMWITH McDONALD'S.

I HAVE A McRIBTO PICK WITH THEM...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...BECAUSE THEY CREATEDTHE PERFECT, PERFECT SNACK.

IT'S CALLED McGRIDDLES.

YEAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I DON'T KNOW WHY IT HASAN "S" ON THE END.

IT'S JUST ONE SAMMICH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S NOT LIKE ANYBODY EVER GOES,"I'D LIKE A BIG MACS!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"GIVE ME AN EGG McMUFFINS!"

"FILET-O-FISHES WOULD BE NICE."

BUT I DON'T CARE,

BECAUSE McGRIDDLES ARE ANAMAZINGLY AMAZING AMAZINGNESS.

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

IT STARTS --

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,IT STARTS WITH BACON OR SAUSAGE.

THAT'S RIGHT --YOU GET TO CHOOSE.

IT'S A TOTALLYDEMOCRATIC SANDWICH.

EVEN IF YOU LIVE IN FLORIDAOR MICHIGAN, YOUR VOTE COUNTS.

YES.

IT'S ALSO GOT EGG AND CHEESE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELLCHEESE IS DOING IN THERE,

BUT I WILL LET IT SLIDE'CAUSE IT'S SO TASTY!

AND IT IS ALL ON A BUNTHAT HAS BEEN INJECTED,

LIKE A FREAKISHFERTILITY EXPERIMENT,

WITH MAPLE-SYRUP FLAVOR --

"FLAVA" IF YOU LIVEIN THE HOOD, JOEY.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU MIGHT.

SO -- HE'S VERY WHITE.

[ LAUGHTER ]SO...

SO YOU CAN HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND,AND IT'S NOT STICKY.

IT'S LIKE SCIENCE SAID,

"LET'S FORGET ABOUT ALL THEHORRIBLE DISEASES IN THE WORLD,

"AND LET'S CONCENTRATEALL OF OUR EFFORT --

"LET'S PUT ALL OF OUR ENERGYINTO CREATING A PANCAKE SANDWICH

THAT YOU CAN HOLD IN YOUR HAND,PERHAPS WHILE DRIVING."

AND THEY DID IT.

AND I SAY BRAVO

AND WELL-DONE AND HOORAY.

BUT HERE'S WHY I'M MADAT McDONALD'S.

YOU CAN ONLY ACQUIRETHIS MIRACLE SNACK

IF YOU GET YOUR ASS INTOMcDONALD'S BEFORE 10:30 A.M.

I CALL BULL CRAP!

NOT FAIR!

[ IMITATES BUZZER ]

[ WARBLES ]

I DO A BAD CHEWBACCA IMPRESSION,I GET SO ANGRY.

SO HERE'S WHAT I DO.

I WALK INTO McDONALD'SAT 3:30 IN THE AFTERNOON --

YEAH, STRONG, WILLFUL, DEFIANT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I SAY, "I WOULD LIKEA McGRIDDLES!"

AND THEN THEY SAY, "NO."

AND THEN I SAY, "ALL RIGHT,CHICKEN McNUGGETS --

"36 PIECES, PLEASE.

"AND I WOULD LIKE SOMEMAPLE SYRUP TO DUNK THEM IN.

IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BEON THE SLIDE IN McDONALDLAND."

[ LAUGHTER ]

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