Ari Shaffir - Standing Up to the TSA

Ari Shaffir: Paid Regular Season 1, Ep 1 01/16/2015 Views: 346

After getting searched by a hostile TSA agent, Ari Shaffir quickly regains his confidence. (1:22)

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They always think you'regonna be more scared of them

because their walkie-talkieis up here

instead of down there.

They think that'stheir special X-Men power.

So this guy was like--you know,the regular guy was, like,

"Supervisor."And I immediately I was like,

[mockingly]"Supervisor. Supervisor.


[normal voice][Bleep] rat bitch.

You gonna tell on me?


Call your mommy."

[normal voice] Supervisor comesin eventually, and he's like,

"Yeah, is there somethingI can help you with?"

I was like, "Yeah, we're tryingto figure out

"how many idiotsthis is going to take.

So far, we're up to two."

And he was like,"What's the problem?"

And that one guy startsto talk.

I'm like, "I'll talk,'cause you're an idiot.

"He's searching me again'cause I don't like him,

"and that's not the deal.I didn't do anything.

"You're not supposedto search me.

"That's the deal we made.I'm an American.

And I'm white, and youleave me alone."

So he was like--he saw thatI was just trouble,

so he was like--he was like,

"Sir, if you don't likethe rules, don't fly,"

which is very dismissive.

I'm not the enemy.

I'm just a [bleep] guywho wants to fly.

But the cool thing was,

I'd heard that logic before,so I was kind of ready for it.

So he goes, "If you don't likethe rules, don't fly."

And I go, "Isn't that whatthey told Rosa Parks?"

[laughter and applause]