Amy Schumer - Freestyle Lessons

South Beach Comedy Festival 2009 Season 1, Ep 3 02/01/2009 Views: 15,625

Amy's best black friend is teaching her how to freestyle rap, and Amy is teaching her how to freestyle swim. (2:43)

-This city, it's too fun.

I got so drunk lastnight, I blacked out.

And I hate blackingout, I-- I think.

I can't remember, butuh I got so-- uh no.

There's no way of knowingwhen I'm drunk, except I slur.

Like I say racial slursand it's really weird.

It's weird.

But no, I am so not racist.

My best friend of the worldssleeps with black guys,

so it's like-- it's likeonce removed, you now.


Actually my best friend isAfrican American, and uh--

and she's teaching mehow to freestyle rap.

And I'm teaching herhow to freestyle swim.

So it's like really-- it'slike a fun time for everybody

right now.

No, I want you guysto know I'm the most

non-racist person in the world.

That's definitelynot a word, right?

-But anyway um likehere's an example.

I was at this fancy party,and Michelle Kwan walks in.

You know who that is?

Ice skater?


Actually she kindof like glided in.

We were all like,relax, you know.

She's like carrying a torch.

We were like, we get it.

So we start talking,'caus I made it happen.

Um I was like, weird,you're in the bathroom.

And uh she's like talking to melike boring ice skate chatter.

She's like, it's sohard to get ice time.

I was like, yourproblems are so real.

Um I was like, who is this girl?

Some people have no arms andthey paint with their feet.

Um actually just a block away.

And uh-- purchase something.

He's great.

-So she tells me out ofnowhere that Oliver Stone,

the director, has thishuge Asian fetish.

And she was like, and Ifind it totally offensive.

And I was like, why, Kwan?

I was like, what's up?

You know?

She's like, well, I'm Asian.

And I was like, see Ididn't even notice that.

I thought you werejust like really tired.


-Don't worry.

Asian people love me.

It's like white on rice.



-Don't worry about that.

But, you know, peoplethink that because I'm

a white female that Idon't deal with racism.

And I don't, but--


-I've seen movies about it.

You know, I know it's outthere, but uh actually I did.

I grew up in a totally IrishCatholic town I was the only

Jewish kid, and Iwas like really poor.

So everybody was so confused.

They were like, howdo we make fun of you?

I was like, that'sreally not my problem.

Um but one summer thekids took to throwing

handfuls of pennies at me.

And I was like, this is awesome.

Oh my god.

It was like the wellscene in Goonies.

I was like--