T.J. Miller - Tip Toppers

T.J. Miller: No Real Reason Season 1, Ep 101 11/12/2011 Views: 5,897

The audience imagines what T.J. Miller would look like if he had ketchup bottles in place of his legs. (1:40)

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CAN YOU GUYS IMAGINE

IF I HAD KETCHUP BOTTLESINSTEAD OF LEGS?

TAKE A MOMENTAND IMAGINE THAT,

IF I HAD KETCHUP BOTTLESFOR LEGS.

LOOK AT THAT.

NOW, HOW MANYOF YOU IN HERE,

WHEN YOU IMAGINEDMY LEGS AS KETCHUP BOTTLES

IMAGINED THE FAT BASE OF THEBOTTLE WHERE MY FEET WOULD BE.

BY ROUND OF APPLAUSE.HOW MANY PEOPLE, YES?

(scattered applause)

SEE, YOU'RE ALL PEOPLETHAT I CONSIDER TO BE FRIENDS

AND YOU'RE REASONABLEINDIVIDUALS, OKAY?

NOW, HOW MANY OF THE REST OF YOULIVE IN A FANCIFUL WORLD

AND YOU IMAGINED THAT I HAD THELITTLE WHITE CAPS AS MY SHOES?

(cheering)SURE, YEAH, YEAH.

LIKE THAT'SPHYSICALLY POSSIBLE.

I CAN'T BALANCE ON THOSE LITTLEKIPPY-CAPPY...

TIP-TOPPERS, OKAY?

AS SOON AS I GET ANY SPEEDGOING, I'M GONNA TRIP,

MY LEGS ARE GONNASHATTER EVERYWHERE.

HERE'S ANOTHER WEIRD THINGABOUT THE HUMAN MIND.

NOW EVERYBODY IMAGINEME WITH WINGS ON MY HEAD.

IMAGINE THAT.

WE ALL IMAGINETHE SAME THING.

THIS, RIGHT?

NOBODY IMAGINED THIS...

'CAUSE IT HURTSYOUR NOSE.

UGH, THIS WOMAN WOULDN'T LET MEHOLD HER BABY THE OTHER DAY

BECAUSE SHE SAID I WASTOO DRUNK.

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, DON'TBRING YOUR BABY INTO THE BAR,

AM I RIGHT?

(laughterand scattered applause)

AND SECOND OF ALL,IF I'M DRINKING MALT LIQUOR

ON A PLAYGROUND,I CALL THAT A BAR.

YEAH. YEAH.

(cheers and applause)