Jim Gaffigan - Cake

Beyond the Pale Season 1, Ep 101 04/01/2008 Views: 154,897

Jim Gaffigan reveals the secret thought that everyone has when they hear the Happy Birthday Song. (2:10)

CAKE CAN ACTUALLY

BRING PEOPLE TOGETHER--

IT'S BILL'S BIRTHDAY.

"I HATE THAT GUY."

THERE'S CAKE

IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

"WELL, I SHOULD SAY HELLO.

SEE HOW HE'S DOING."

I MEAN, ADMIT IT--

WHEN YOU HEAR THE SONG

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY,"

ALL YOU'RE THINKING IS,

HEY, I'M GETTIN' SOME FREE CAKE!

DURING THE SONG,

YOU'RE JUST WONDERING

WHAT KIND IT IS.

(tune of "Happy Birthday")

♪ HOPE IT'S CHOCOLATE FOR ME

>> Jim: WE'RE ALL BASHFUL,

THOUGH, WHEN WE'RE OFFERED

A PIECE, AREN'T WE?

WE'RE ALWAYS LIKE,

"WELL--

WELL, I GUESS I'LL TRY IT.

WHAT'S THIS CALLED? CAKE?

YEAH,

I'VE NEVER HAD CAKE BEFORE.

(grunts)

THERE'S SO MANY TYPES

OF CAKE, TOO.

THERE'S RUM CAKE,

WHICH MAKES SENSE, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE WE'VE ALL BEEN

EATING CAKE AND THOUGHT,

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS NEEDS?

BOOZE.

A SHOT OF LIQUOR.

I DON'T HAVE TIME

TO EAT AND DRINK.

I ONLY GOT TWO HANDS, BUDDY,

AND ONE OF THEM'S HOLDING

A CIGARETTE.

MEET ME HALFWAY, WILL YA?

THERE'S FUNNEL CAKE,

WHICH IS ESSENTIALLY

A GIANT FRENCH FRY

COVERED IN SUGAR.

THEY'RE SERVING THAT

AT THE IHOP NOW.

THAT'S A WEIRD NAME

FOR THAT PLACE.

I'VE NEVER LEFT THERE FEELING

LIKE HOPPING.

IT SHOULD BE CALLED

"I BARELY MOVED."

OR "I NEED A WHEELCHAIR."

"HEY, BUDDY, I LIKE THE IHOP.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THERE."

I THINK

THE MOST DISAPPOINTING CAKE

HAS TO BE FRUITCAKE, YOU KNOW.

YOU'D THINK

THAT WOULD BE BETTER.

IT DOESN'T ADD UP.

FRUIT--GOOD.

CAKE--GREAT.

FRUITCAKE--NASTY CRAP.

HAVE YOU TRIED FRUITCAKE?

I DON'T EVEN THINK

THAT'S FRUIT IN THERE.

YOU'RE LIKE...

WHAT IS THAT, A SKITTLE?

HMM, SOMEONE HAS A SEED HERE--

WHAT'S THIS, A TREASURE MAP?