Andy Ritchie - Stranger's Funeral

Season 4, Ep 0405 11/13/2009 Views: 3,715

Just attend a stranger's funeral in a monocle, approach the casket and declare, 'Check mate!' It'll add so much mystery to that person's life. (2:21)

just to mess with people?

Go to a stranger's funeralsome time.

Where you don't know anyonethere, right?

And it's an open casket funeral.

That's important.

And wear something weird, too,

like a trench coator a unitard.


Preferably a unitard if youcan get your hands on one.

But just dress as weirdand creepy as you can,

and when you get there,don't talk to anyone.

Just immediately walk upto the open casket,

lean in,and so everyone can hear you go,



And then run awaylaughing maniacally.

That would add so much mysteryto that dead guy's life.

His friends and familywould be like,

"Uh, who the hellwas that guy?

"Did Uncle Al havea arch nemesis?


"Did you see that guywith the unitard?

"And the monocle?He had a monocle.

That was crazy."

If you do it, wear a monocle.

That's a monocle.

Well, that's my hand,but you get the idea.

It's not prescription.

A monocle will up the creepfactor in any situation.


I don't know why.

There's just somethinginherently evil

about having bad visionin just one eye.


What happened to you?

I think that's whyMr. Peanut disturbs me.


Mr. Peanut wears a top hat,

a monocle, gloves, shoesand that's it.


He's got a bad leg.

He has a cane.

Like, why would youinvent a character

and give them injuries?


I think it's so you'll feelbad for him, you know.

So, on the frontof the peanut can--

like, "Aw, I can't see, my kneehurts, buy my nuts."


Like, put some pants on,then we'll talk.

I don't do businesswith pantless peanuts.

So, I live in Austin, Texas.

And uh... Ah?

I live rightby the university there.

It's a huge university.

I thought it was gonna be,

like, a really coolplace to live,

but it just makes me feel old.

It's kind of a bummer,especially the girls.

Like, I remember when collegegirls used to look at me.

Now they just keep an eye on me.

"He doesn't belong on campus."