DC Curry - Child Pressure

  • Season 3 , Ep 12
  • 08/24/2000
  • Views: 13,587

You don't owe your kids a damn thing. (2:08)

NOBODY PRESSURIZES ME.

I GOT KIDS;THEY DON'T PRESSURE ME.

DON'T LET YOUR KIDS PRESSURE--PUT PRESSURE ON YOU,

MAKE YOU FEELALL BROKE DOWN AND GUILTY.

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULDFOR THOSE SORRY-ASS KIDS.

RAISED THE DAMN DUMMIES,AND YOU STUCK BY THEM.

THEY'VE ALREADY HAD MORE

THAN YOU EVER DREAMED OF HAVINGIN YOUR CHILDHOOD.

YOU DON'T OWE YOUR KIDSA DAMN THING.

YOU BOUGHT THEM POKEMON,COMPUTER GAMES,

AND SIT IN FRONT OF TVFOR HOURS AND PLAY.

YOU GOT THEMMICHAEL JORDAN GYM SHOES, $200,

AND SOME OF THEMARE HALF RETARDED.

THEY CAN'T EVEN MAKE A LAYUP,LET ALONE DUNK.

YOU BOUGHT THEMALL THEM EXPENSIVE TOYS.

THEY'VE BEEN MORE PLACESTHAN YOU,

SEEN MORE THINGS ALREADY,BEFORE THEY'RE EVEN TEENAGERS.

YOU DON'T OWE YOUR KIDSA DAMN THING.

DON'T LET THEMMAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY,

LIKE YOU MISTREATED THEM.

YOU BOUGHT THEM BRACES, ANDYOUR TEETH WERE ALL CROSSED UP.

YOU NEEDED BRACES YOURSELF.

NOW YOU'RE 55 YEARS OLD,

GOING BACK,TRYING TO GET YOURSELF FIXED UP,

WEARING BRACES,LOOKING LIKE A DAMN FOOL.

YOU DON'T OWEYOUR KIDS NOTHIN'.

YOU ENCOURAGED THEM.

YOU KNEW THEY WASN'TTHE BRIGHTEST KIDS IN THE WORLD.

STUCK WITH THEM, TOLD THEMTHEY COULD BE THE PRESIDENT.

YOU KNEW THAT DAMN DUMMYCOULDN'T BE THE PRESIDENT.

TOLD YOUR LITTLE DAUGHTERSHE COULD SING.

YOU PUT HER IN THE CHILDREN'SCHOIR AT CHURCH.

THAT WAS THE ONLY TIMEGOD GOT BOOED:

WHEN YOUR NO-SINGING DAUGHTERWENT UP THERE

AND STARTED SINGING A SOLO.

TOLD YOUR LITTLE SONHE COULD BE THE PRESIDENT,

A POLITICIAN,MEMORIZE SOMETHING.

AND YOU GAVE HIM A EASTER--

GAVE HIM A EASTER SPEECHIN THE EASTER PLAY,

AND YOU KNEWTHAT SON OF A BITCH

COULDN'T REMEMBERTHAT DAMN SPEECH.

AND ALL HE HAD TO SAY WAS,"HAPPY EASTER," THAT'S IT.

YOU HAD ITSIX MONTHS IN ADVANCE.

YOU WENT OVER IT WITH HIM.

"HAPPY EASTER, JOHNNY.THAT'S ALL YOU GOT TO SAY.

YOU GOT IT?""I GOT IT, MAMA."

"HAPPY EASTER."YOU WENT OVER IT WITH HIM.

DAY AND NIGHT,YOU WENT OVER IT WITH HIM.

"HAPPY EASTER.I GOT IT, MAMA. HAPPY EASTER."

YOU DRESSED HIM UPON EASTER MORNING,

PUT HIM IN A YELLOW SUIT.

AND YOU PUT HIMOUT TO THE CAR,

AND ONE LAST TIME,YOU SAID, "HAPPY EASTER.

"ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS GOTO THE X IN THE PULPIT

AND SAY HAPPY EASTER."

AND JOHNNY GOT OUT THE CAR

AND WALKED UP TO THE "X"IN THE PULPIT

AND SAID "MERRY CHRISTMAS"AND [bleep] UP THE WHOLE PLAY.

[applause]

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