Michael Ian Black - Don't Shake Your Baby

Michael Che, Iliza Shlesinger, Hari Kondabolu, Michael Ian Black Season 3, Ep 5 08/17/2012 Views: 8,832

Michael Ian Black shares an incredible moment with his newborn son. (2:22)

When my son was born, Iremember... you know,

I was in there in the deliveryroom and it's amazing.

I cut the umbilical cord withmy teeth.

It was like this great primalthing and I'll never forget

this moment I had with myson...

about four monthsafter he was born.

This incredible moment.

We're up... it's the middle ofthe night, you know, and,

and I'm up with him.

You know, he's cryingand I'm holding him and

we're the only ones up,you know, in the world.

Haven't slept in, you know,since he's been born,

in four months.

And I remember looking at himand he's looking at me and,

you know, his face is allscrunched up and purple and

muling and going...[MIMICS CRYING]

And I remember, I looked athim and I had this thought.

I, I was thinking, you knowwhat?

I'd really like to shake thisbaby.


And I had been to lamazeclass and at lamaze class,

they're very specificallytelling you, "don't shake thebaby."

They say it repeatedlythroughout

the ten-week course,"don't shake your baby."

You have to watcha movie about it.

The movie is called"Don't Shake Your Baby."

And there's a ladyin the movie who's,

like... "I shook my baby...

"and... it was really bad.

"Its head fell off." So...

don't shake your baby.

So, you know, after tenweeks of this, you're like,

"I get it, I'm notgonna shake my baby!"

"I think I'm gonnashake this baby."

I know what they said inclass but I really feel like

the baby needs a goodshaking, you know?

Not enough to, like,permanently hurt it,

you know what I mean?

Just like a quick...[makes sound effect] oh!

Just to kind of startle himinto silence, you know?

Just to... [babbles] andhe would go "oh, [bleep]

"I guess I was acting like areal [bleep] just then."

And I would say,"I forgive you."