Barry Sobel - Expensive Airport Food

Cathy Ladman & Barry Sobel Season 1, Ep 0162 02/24/1992 Views: 2,609

It's a million dollars to eat food at an airport. (2:59)

AND DO ANOTHER SET FOR THEM

THEY SAID, "YOU KNOW, CAN YOU DOSOME OF YOUR CLASSIC ROUTINES?"

KENNY ROGERS-- I HAD NO IDEATHE CELEBRITIES WERE HERE.

AND THEY SAID, "CAN YOU DOSOME OF YOUR CLASSIC JOKES?"

I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY JOKES.

I BARELY KNOW SOME PUNCHLINES.

( applause )

PING-PONG BALLS?

I THOUGHT YOU SAIDKING KONG'S BALLS.

DISASTER, IT KILLED HER.

WOULD I, PEG LEG?

OH, NO, NOW ALL THE FISHWILL SMELL LIKE THAT.

I DON'T WANT NO FRIGGIN' PANCAKES.

ARE YOU PLAYING GOLFOR FOOLING AROUND?

HOW DO YOU THINK I GOTTHIS NIFTY CROSS?

PETER, I CAN SEEYOUR HOUSE FROM HERE.

CAN YOU PUT ME UPFOR THE NIGHT?

THEY BOTH EAT RICE.

NEED ANOTHER SEVEN ASTRONAUTS.

I ASKED FOR A BUD LITE.

WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?

SCREW THE MAILMAN,GIVE HIM FIVE BUCKS.

BREAKFAST WAS MY IDEA.

THIS...

BREAKFAST WAS MY IDEA.

THIS CHINESE GUY COMESOUT OF NOWHERE.

WE'RE LOOKING ALLOVER THE MINE SHAFT.

HE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE, GOES,"SUPPLIES, SUPPLIES."

THEN CLEOPATRA GOES, "NOT NOW, I'M ON MY PYRAMID."

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD TURNSTO THE WOLF AND GOES

"NO, YOU'RE GOING TO EAT MELIKE IT SAYS IN THE BOOK."

THESE ARE JOKES.

I'M TRAVELING ALLAROUND THE COUNTRY

AND I WAS IN NEW YORKTHE OTHER DAY

AND I LOSE MY LUGGAGEAT KENNEDY AIRPORT.

KENNEDY AIRPORT-- MAYBEWE SHOULDN'T STOP THAT.

KENNEDY AIRPORT--

THE MOST UNSYMPATHETIC PLACEIN THE WORLD.

UNSYMPATHETIC, LOOK AT MY FACE.

YOU GO TO THE PERSONBEHIND THE COUNTER

WHOSE JOB IT IS TO HELP YOU.

I SAY, "I'VE LOST MY LUGGAGE."

IN TYPICAL NEW YORK STYLE,THE PERSON GOES

"YEAH, THAT'S ALL I NEED NOW,YOU AND YOUR BAGS.

( laughter )

"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TOPICK UP THE FRIGGIN' AIRPORT

"AND SHAKE IT TILLYOUR BAGS FLING OUT?

"AS IF THEY WERE TO FLING.

"WHO AM I, KRESGIN?

"WHAT AM I, URI GELLER?

"WHO AM I, DAVID COPPERBALLS?

"I'M SITTING THERE FROM6:00 A.M. LIKE A PUTZ.

"I'M LIKE A SCHMUCK ON WHEELS.

"YOU'RE FLYING THROUGH THE AIRLIKE A DAMN WALLENDA.

"HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, YOU KNOWWHAT YOUR BAGS LOOK LIKE

AND YOU CAN'T FREAKIN'FIND THEM."

( laughter )

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

"FORGET IT, I DON'TEVEN CARE ANYMORE.

THANKS ANYWAY, LADY."

LADY-- BOOM! IT'S A JOKE.

THESE ARE ALL JOKES.

AND IF YOU FORGET TO EAT ANDYOU'RE STUCK AT THE AIRPORT.

IT'S ONLY LIKE A MILLION DOLLARSTO EAT FOOD AT AN AIRPORT.

LIKE WHEN DID THE AIRPORT

BECOME LIKE THE MOST EXPENSIVE,COOLEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN?

OH, L.A.X., YOU MUST GO.

IT'S THE AIRPORT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE PLAYINGWHEEL OF FORTUNE.

UM, FOR $7,500 MAY I HAVETHE NACHOS, PLEASE?

I WAS THINKING ABOUTTHAT HOME IN VERSAILLES

BUT THEN I THOUGHT

NAH, MAYBE I'LL JUST HAVETHE PEPPERONI SLICE.