Chelsea Handler - Quitters

Season 8 , Ep 0809 04/01/05 Views: 22,504

AA is for quitters. (1:30)

THE PROBLEM WITH L.A., I LIVE

IN L.A., THERE'S TOO MANY CLUBS,

YA KNOW?

EVERYBODY'S ALL AA'd AND

THERAPIED OUT.

PEOPLE HAVE ONE HARD NIGHT OF

DRINKING AND THEY WANT TO THROW

IN THE TOWEL.

AA IS FOR QUITTERS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT'S WHAT IT'S FOR.

AND THEY HAVE THAT CATCH PHRASE,

"ROCK BOTTOM."

"WHEN YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM,

YOU GOTTA GO TO AA"

OOHHHH.

THEY MAKE IT SOUND SO DIRTY.

PLEASE, I HIT ROCK BOTTOM

DOZENS OF TIMES.

[LAUGHTER]

I'VE WOKEN UP NEXT TO A

BILLY GOAT.

YOU DON'T JUST GIVE UP!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THERE'S A LOT OF CLUBS,

THERE'S NA, THERE'S SA.

HAVE YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS

ON THE EAST COAST I DON'T KNOW

IF IT'S A HIT HERE YET OKAY

BUT WATCH OUT!

SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS.

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND WHO'S IN SEX

AND SHE GOES, "CHELSEA,

IT'S VERY SERIOUS.

IT'S ABOUT BEING ADDICTED

TO HAVING SEX WITH STRANGERS."

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S LIKE "ISN'T THAT JUST

BEING A WHORE?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU DON'T NEED TO JOIN A CLUB,

CLOSE YOUR LEG'S SISTER, OKAY!

OH, MY GIRLFRIEND'S THINK

I'M SO PICKY, THEY'RE LIKE

"YOU'RE TOO PICKY.

YOU CAN'T JUST NOT GO OUT WITH

A GUY 'CAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE

A JOB OR A CAR, 'CAUSE HE HAS A

SMALL PENIS, YA KNOW.

HE COULD BE GOOD AT OTHER

THINGS."

I'M LIKE, "WHAT MATH, WHAT?"

[LAUGHTER AND AP

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