I CAN'T WATCH ITFOR ONE MINUTE.
EVERY WEEK IT'S THE SAME THING. IT'S THE SAME SHOW.
[LISPING] YOU KNOW, WHAT YOU NEED MR. SISTER,
YOU NEED A NEW PAIR OF SHOES.LET'S GO DOWN TO THE SHOE STORE.
♪ DAGA, DAGA DAGA-DING, KAKING ♪
♪ KA, KA, KA KA, KA, KA-KING ♪
♪ KA, KA, KA-TOOKA, KA ♪
♪ KA, KA, KA KA, KA, KA, KING ♪
♪ KA, KA, KA, KOO, KOO, KOO
I THINK THOSE LOAFERSWOULD LOOK NICE ON HIM.LET'S TRY THAT.
♪ DAGA, DAGA DAGA-DING, KAKING ♪
♪ HOKA, DAKA, DA-KING HA-TOO... ♪
LOOK, MR. SISTER GIRLFRIEND BOYFRIEND
THAT GUY DR. & MRS. SHOE,IT'S NOT 1975.
YOU'RE NOT IN PAUL McCARTNEY AND WINGS.
LET'S GET YOU A NEW HAIRCUT.LET'S GO DOWN TO THE HAIR SALON.
♪ DAGA, DAGA DAGA-DING, KA-KING ♪
♪ YOKO, TOKO, TO-KO GA-TAKA, HING, KA-HONG-- ♪
WHY DO PEOPLE WATCH THAT SHOW, IT'S THE SAME THING EVERY WEEK.
EVERY WEEK IT'S THE-- WHAT DO YOU THINK'S GONNA HAPPEN?
IT'S LIKE "OH, THAT GUY'S GOT A UNIBROW."
YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT?
HE'S GOT CINDER BLOCK BOOKSHELVES,
DO YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA COME UP?
HE'S WEARING A NAPKIN FOR A HAT,
DO YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA COME INTO PLAY?
OH MY GOD THE DRAMA, THE SUSPENSE OF THE SHOW. IT'S KILLING ME.
IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE MOVIE SLEUTH...
- OR A MORE CURRENT MOVIE. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
I DON'T BUY THE PREMISE IF THERE'S ANY PROBLEM IN LIFE,
IT NEEDS TO BE SOLVED BY FIVE GAY GUYS.
"HELLO AUTO CLUB. I'M STUCK HERE ON THE FREEWAY."
"OKAY, WE'RE GONNASEND OUT FIVE GAY GUYS."
"WHAT AREYOU GONNA DO THAT FOR?""THAT'S WHAT WE DO NOW."
"IF YOU WERE HAVING A HEART ATTACK,
WE'D SEND FIVEGAY DOCTORS OUT THERE."
[LISPING] "WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?"
"I HAVE A FLAT TIRE. I CAN'T FIND MY JACK."
"NO WONDER YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR JACK.
LOOK HOW MESSY YOUR TRUNK IS."
♪ DAGA, DAGA HA-HING, HEY-HOY ♪
♪ HOY, HOY, HOY, HOY
♪ HI, YA, KA, TA, TA-KING YAKA-TOY, YA, TOY ♪
[LAUGHTER]
DO THE STEREOTYPES BOTHER YOU
"ONLY GAY PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO COMB THEIR HAIR
OR BUY A SHIRT OR DECORATE THEIR APARTMENT"?
WOULD YOU WATCH JEWISH EYE FOR THE CHRISTIAN GUY?
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
SEND FIVE JEWISH GUYS OUT TO YOUR HOUSE.
"LET ME HELP YOU PUT YOUR MONEY IN THE BANK.
I'M A JEW. I KNOW ABOUT MONEY."
♪ YAK, YAK, TAKA, TAKA HOY, HOY, HOY, HOY ♪
♪ YAKA, DAKADING-DING, DOY ♪
♪ YAKA, HOY, HOYYAKA, DING, DING, DING ♪
♪ HAKA, DAKA, DAKA, DAKA HOY, HOY-- ♪
"WHAT ARE YOU PUTTING MAYONNAISE
"ON THAT CORNED BEEF SANDWICH FOR?
I'M A JEW. PUT SOME DELI MUSTARD ON IT."
♪ HAKA, HAKA, HOY HAKA, HING-HING ♪
♪ YAKA, DOI-ING, DOI-INGDOKA, HOKA, HOY, HOY ♪
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?
YOU NEED MORE GUILTAND SHAME IN YOUR LIFE."
"YOU WANT TO BE A NEW ANCHOR? MY PEOPLE CONTROL THE MEDIA.
I'LL MAKE A COUPLE OF CALLS."
♪ YAKA, TAKA, TAKA TAKA, DING, DING ♪