Cash Levy - Getting Shot in the Stomach

Mooney, Levy, Foster, Tripoli Season 7, Ep 712 01/23/2004 Views: 1,000

Relationships are like getting shot in the stomach. (1:52)

THIS TOTAL STRANGER WANDERED

UP TO ME SAID, "HEY, MAN,

GOT A LIGHT, MAN, GOT A SMOKE,

GOT A LIGHT, GOT A SMOKE?"

I SAID, "NO, I'M NOT A SMOKER,

BUT APPARENTLY YOU ARE.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD INVEST

IN A WHOLE PACK OF CIGARETTES."

[LAUGHTER]

HOW COME SMOKERS NEVER HAVE

SMOKES?

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SMOKER,

BUY THE NECESSARY ACCOUTREMENTS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S BEEN AN INTERESTING WEEK,

MY EX GIRLFRIEND CALLED.

SHE'S GETTING MARRIED.

SHE CALLED TO TELL ME.

YEAH, SHE CALLED.

SHE WANTED "CLOSURE".

CLOSURE, YEAH, I SAID,

"WHAT PART OF US NOT TALKING

FOR THE LAST YEAR, SEEMED "OPEN"

TO YOU?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HEAR THE DIAL

TONE THAT WILL BE "CLOSURE".

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S TOUGH, THE LONGER YOU'RE IN

A RELATIONSHIP, THE HARDER IT IS

TO GET OUT.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE HAVING A

BULLET LODGED IN YOUR STOMACH

BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.

I MEAN THE LONGER IT'S IN THERE,

THE SAFER IT IS TO JUST LEAVE IT

BE.

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHEN MY LAST GIRLFRIEND

WANTED TO GET A LITTLE MORE

SERIOUS, I'D USE THE OLD WILD

STALLION TECHNIQUE TO KEEP HER

AT BAY.

THAT'S WHAT I'D SAY, "BABY, I'M

LIKE A WILD STALLION, YOU TRY TO

PUT A SADDLE ON A WILD STALLION

AND HE'LL RUN AND HE'LL RUN AND

HE'LL RUN SOME MORE.

BUT IF YOU LET A WILD STALLION

RUN FREE, HE MAY COME BACK TO

THE BARN."

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH, SHE DIDN'T BUY IT EITHER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SHE SHOT ME IN THE STOMACH.

LEFT THE BULLET RIGHT IN THERE.