Eddie Pence - Streakers

Season 1, Ep 0104 07/20/2006 Views: 6,270

Eddie Pence knows what it would look like if he woke up in prison. (2:42)

I think my favorite partof sports is streakers.

That's when it getsthe most exciting

when that naked guy runson the field

and the cop chases after him.

Everyone watches that.

And they always tackle him.

After like five minutes, the copalways tackles the streaker.

That's how they stop streakers,they tackle.

I think the best wayto stop a streaker is,

when the guy starts to streak,

get all the security guardsaround, block all the exits,

and just let him run it out.

Until shame sets in.

He'll be streaking like,"Yeah, whoo!

All right!"

Until shame sets in.

But if you do streakwith a boner,

streak with a boner,

because no one tacklesa naked guy with a boner.

Never. Never.

It's true.

But if you do streakwith a boner, don't trip,

'cause that would freakin' kill.

It would freakin' kill.

I was watching a documentaryon giraffes.

On giraffes-- I watcheda giraffe give birth

on the documentary.

It was amazing, it was veryenlightening, because I realized

watching a giraffe give birth,that's the difference

between man and animal.

Because people,we're all facial expressions.

We tell you the whole storyright here.

Animals? Nothing.

No-- this giraffe droppedanother giraffe out of it.


It was just standing therein a field, just...


And then, the newborn babygiraffe falls like eight feet

out of the new mom.



If I gave birth to a giraffe,I'd be like...

"Oh, my God!

"Why did I have sexwith that giraffe?

He told mehe was wearing a condom."

That's a lie;I'm making that up.

Giraffes don't talk.

I'm going to do a littleimpression for you guys.

I don't do a lot of impressions,but this one,

this one's uncanny;this is an uncanny impression.

This is me waking up in prison.


Hey, you guys have beenan awesome crowd.