SKITTLE ROULETTE WITH DONALD TRUMP

09/21/2016 Views: 1,003

Donald Trump is not afraid to gamble on a bowl of colorful Skittles. (3:03)

(light funky music)

- Hi, I'm Donald Trump,

and we're playingSkittle Roulette today.

As we know, my beautiful stupid son said that when

we go to Syria to get therefugees to bring 'em over here,

it's like there could be three deadly ones,

like three deadly skittles in this bowl.

And I'm gonna prove to you that you can eat

all the skittles and leave the poison ones.

Check it out.

Not poison.

I love this one, too.

Red is my favorite.

It is a color of Russia,the evil communists.

Peach is also the closest familially.

I feel close to the orange ones,

'cause they're the color of my skin.

Usually I would wash this down with some

fried chicken or a fast food hamburger.

My salivary glandsactually secrete poison.

So, I can easily tell when one of them

is not jiving with thealready poisonous venom

that fills my mouth and spews out with things I say.

One time, when I was sitting with the former Shah of Iran,

we ate four buckets ofskittles, between the two of us.

But I'll tell you the truth, I hate most of 'em.

One time I built my son a skittle gun,

and he would fire them rapid-fire into my throat,

and then he'd win a prize if he hit my uvula,

which is the clitoris of the mouth.

Wait, is that poisonous?

No, it's good.

They wouldn't let me have water with this.

I've just been dry eating skittles for about four hours now.

We're down to the last few.

I have a 75% chance of poisoning myself.

There's four left.

I'm just gonna pick it.

I feel it, there's no poison in it.

I did it, it's very easy.

Look at that, we have the three terrorist skittles.

But we ate all the good refugees, which is wonderful.

But you know what, it doesn't really matter.

I can actually eat the three poison ones,

'cause I'm made of poison.

So, let's have a poison one.

That's another one, I don't care.

Done.

We can feel it activating.

Enter nervous system.

(choking and sputtering)

And we're done.

(light funky music)

Could someone get an immigrant to wipe my mouth?