Uncensored - Joe Rogan - Big Bang Theory

Joe Rogan: Live from the Tabernacle Season 1, Ep 101 02/28/2014 Views: 47,653

Joe Rogan believes that human beings were responsible for the Big Bang. (2:32)

- I THINK THAT PEOPLE ARERESPONSIBLE FOR THE BIG BANG,

AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST IDEAI'VE EVER COME UP WITH.

AND IT'S NOT EVEN REALLYMY IDEA,

BECAUSE I WAS HIGHON A POT BROWNIE

IN AN ISOLATION TANKWHEN I CAME UP WITH IT.

BUT THE--THE IDEA IS,

WE'RE FASCINATED BY TECHNOLOGY.

THE BIGGEST EXPERIMENT RIGHT NOWIS THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER.

YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

IT'S THE BIGGEST EXPERIMENTIN HUMAN HISTORY.

IT'S 10,000 DIFFERENT SCIENTISTS

FROM 100 DIFFERENT COUNTRIES,

AND THEY MADE THIS 22-MILE LONGSOMETHING FUCKING MACHINE.

IT'S SPINNING THESE ATOMS AROUNDA HAIR UNDER THE SPEED OF LIGHT,

AND THEY'RE GONNA SLAM THEMINTO EACH OTHER

AND MAKE LITTLE BLACK HOLES.

WELL, WHAT'S CRAZY ABOUT THAT

IS THOSE PARTICLE PHYSICISTDUDES THAT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS,

ONE OF THEIR THEORIES IS THATINSIDE EVERY BLACK HOLE

MAY BE A WHOLE 'NOTHER UNIVERSE

AND THAT WHAT THE WHOLE UNIVERSEMIGHT BE IS GALAXIES,

INSIDE EVERY GALAXYIS A BLACK HOLE

INSIDE THAT BLACK HOLE,HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS OF GALAXIES

EACH WITH BLACK HOLESIN THE CENTER,

EACH WITH HUNDREDS OF BILLIONSOF GALAXIES,

AND IT'S FRACTAL

AND IT WILL GO ON FOREVER!

AND THEY'RE JUST MAKINGTHIS SHIT IN SWITZERLAND.

THERE'S A BUNCH OF FUCKING DUDES

AND EVERYBODY'S LIKE, "WELL,WE GOT TO STOP GAY MARRIAGE.

"I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW.

"AIN'T NO GAY GUYS GONNALIVE NEXT DOOR TO ME

AND TREAT ME LIKE AN EQUALWITH HIS LITTLE WIFE."

WE ARE GONNA MAKETHE FUCKING BIG BANG,

AND I KNOW IT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS

AND ESPECIALLY COMING FROMTHE FEAR FACTOR GUY.

IT LOSES ALL CREDIBILITY.

BUT IF YOU STOPAND THINK ABOUT IT, MAN,

THEY DON'T KNOWHOW THE UNIVERSE STARTED,

BUT THE BIG THEORYIS THE BIG BANG

AND THAT THEORY STATES THAT14 BILLION YEARS AGO

THE WHOLE UNIVERSE WAS SMALLERTHAN THE HEAD OF A PIN,

BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED,AND IT EXPLODED

AND CREATED EVERYTHING WE SEEIN THE SKY TODAY.

I THINK 14 BILLION YEARS AGO

THERE WERE SOME SCIENTISTS,

AND THEY WERE PROBABLY AUTISTIC,

AND THEY WERE ONANTI-ANXIETY MEDICATION,

AND THEY WERE DRINKING RED BULL,

AND NO ONE TOUCHED THEM,

AND THEY WOULD MASTURBATE,AND THEY NEVER CRIED,

AND THEY MADEA BIG BANG MACHINE,

AND THEY SAT AROUNDAND LOOKED AT IT,

ONE GUY WENT,"I'LL FUCKING PRESS IT."

THEN HE HIT THAT THING,AND THE WHOLE SKY WENT...

[popping noises]

AND IT'S A RESET BUTTONFOR THE UNIVERSE.

AND EVERY 14 BILLION YEARS,WE HIT IT ONE SECOND QUICKER.

[pops]

AND THAT'S INFINITY.

MAYBE,OR MAYBE I WAS HIGH AS FUCK,

AND I'M JUST MAKING SHIT UP.

OKAY?

[crowd cheering]