Jim Norton - Muslim Woman

Season 1 , Ep 0101 12/08/02 Views: 5,940

A Muslim woman wants to wear her veil in her driver's license photo. (2:19)

ATTENTION, I'M JUST SICK OF

PEOPLE IN OUR COUNTRY LOOKING

FOR ATTENTION BUT DOING IT UNDER

THE GUISE OF SOCIAL OR POLITICAL

CONSCIOUSNESS.

LIKE THIS AWFUL MUSLIM WOMAN

IN FLORIDA WHO SUED THE STATE

'CAUSE SHE WANTED HER DRIVERS

LICENSE PHOTO TAKEN WITH THE

VEIL ON.

WHAT RATIONAL PART OF YOUR

PSYCHE TELLS YOU THAT THAT WOULD

BE AN ACCEPTABLE FORM OF

IDENTIFICATION?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

MISS, WE HAVE TO TAKE YOUR

PICTURE AND PUT ON THE LICENSE

SO IF THE POLICE PULL YOU OVER

THEY CAN IDENTIFY YOU.

OKAY.

AH, NO, THEY NEED TO IDENTIFY

YOU IN 2003 AMERICA, NOT AS A

STORM TROOPER IN

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK,

STUPID.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND OF COURSE HER PREDICTABLE

CLICHED RESPONSE...

WELL, I WANTED THINGS TO BE JUST

LIKE THEY ARE IN A TRADITIONAL

MUSLIM COUNTRY.

WHICH WOULD BE FINE, IF I COULD

BEAT HER ON A STREET CORNER WITH

A STICK.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

HAND OVER THAT CLITORIS YOU

WON'T BE USING THAT ANYTIME

SOON.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND HERE'S THE KICKER,

SHE WASN'T RAISED IN YEMEN

OR SAUDI ARABIA, SHE WAS AN

AMERICAN WHITE LADY WHO

CONVERTED A COUPLE YEARS AGO.

[LAUGHTER]

'CAUSE YOU REMEMBER AFTER THE

'93 TRADE CENTER BOMBING,

IT WAS ALL THE RAVE.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THIS MIDDLE-AGED FRAUDULENT

BITCH, SHE JUST WANTED

ATTENTION.

THAT'S ALL IT WAS ABOUT.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES, APPLAUSE]

SHE WANTED PEOPLE TO WALK UP

TO HER--

"HEY, WASN'T THAT YOU I READ

ABOUT IN THE NEWSPAPERS?"

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M SURPRISED YOU RECOGNIZED ME.

ECK!

I BELIEVE IN MY RELIGION.

ECK!

YOU KNOW WHO ELSE BELIEVES IN

THAT RELIGION AND ONLY SHOWS

THE SLITS OF THEIR EYES?

THE KU KLUX KLAN.

[APPLAUSE]

BUT IF WANTED THESE RETARDS

WANTED THEIR LICENSE PHOTO TAKEN

WITH THE LITTLE HAT ON,

YOU'D LAUGH AT THEM.

WERE NOT TAKING YOUR PICTURE

LIKE THAT, YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE

A TAMPON, GET OUT OF HERE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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