-I'm a shy dude.
It's weird being shy and single.
Like my friends will be like,just go talk to that girl.
She ain't going to bite.
It's like, dude, I'm notworried about her biting me.
I'm worried about going upthere and having nothing to say.
Like, at least ifshe bit me, we could
talk about that, you know.
You bite someone,you know them, man.
Skip over that small talk.
I can't do that small talk, man.
Like, I was talking tothis chick the other day
and she's all like, oh my God.
I can't believe Kim andKanye named their baby North.
Oh my God, what'sup with Miley Cyrus?
This is so crazy.
I was like yeah,that's kind of weird.
But you want to knowwhat's really crazy?
You've got a freaking skeletoninside of you right now.
How'd you get there, man?
It's crazy, man.
But you'll never meeta girl like that.
You're never going tomeet a girl at a bar.
She's never going tobe like, oh my God, I
can't believe I'mfilled with blood.
I got all theseholes in my body,
but the blood doesn't come out.
I could talk to that girl.
Tell me about yourholes, you know.
OK, all right.
Never goes down like that, man.
So yeah, I just lie.
On dates, I just lie becauseI can't talk like that.
That'd be weird.
Girls are so demandingsometimes, man.
Like, I was on adate just recently.
She's all like, I onlylike guys who paint,
I only like guyswho love to travel,
and I love goal setters.
And I don't smoke.
You don't smoke, do you?
I was like, shit.
Like, only when I drink.
She's like, you drink?
I was like, fuck.
Like, only when I paint.
She's like, you paint?
And I was like yeah,only when I travel.
She's like, what do you paint?
And I was like mostly walls.
Yeah, what's up.
She's like, you'rea wall painter?
Why you got to lieto me like that?
Why you got to lead me on?
And I was like look, ma'am,I don't think you understand
what's going on here right now.
Like, the reason I'm sittingacross from you tonight
as opposed to a TVor an Xbox or a book
is because I want tohave sex, all right.
Like, that's my goal,and what you just
did was give me alist of things I
could say that's goingto greatly increase
my chances ofachieving that goal.
All right, youlike goal setters.