ULTIMATE SKETCH ARCHIVE
- Good evening my fellow Americans.
With me as always is my anger translator, Luther.
- Now like many of you,I recently saw the video
of my opponent addressing his donors.
- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Woo, oh no Mitt!
You know what, you probably wouldn't have
liked the White House anyway.
There's no elevator for your cars, man.
They gonna have to takethe stairs or whatever.
- Let me make this clear.
When you're President, you represent the entire country.
You can't be President of half the country.
- Hey Mitt, 47% of the country called,
and they said you get to be President, of jack shit.
- My opponent also madethe unusual comment
that his life would have been
better off were he born Latino.
- Oh God dammit, oh no why?
Why did you have to be born white?
Oh the suffering.
I mean how did you survive
as a rich white asshole in America?
I just don't know, it's sad.
- He went on to raise questions
about the fairness of our tax code.
- Nigga did you saythat half of the country
doesn't pay income taxes?
What about you, Mitt?
What about you?
Did you pay income taxes?
I mean I don't know because
ain't a brother ain't seen nothing yet.
You know what I'm saying?
Can you give us a little peek?
Why don't you give the nation just a little bit of a peek?
You can't, no, OK.
- As for me, my focus however, will continue to be
on monitoring the unrestof the Arab world.
- By the way, y'all can't riot over every shitty movie.
Cowboys and Aliens wasoffensive to everybody,
but you don't see us burning shit down over here.
- In these tumultuous times, clear communication
is our greatest ally.
- Yeah that and mother Jones releasing
videos of your dumb ass Mitt.
I ball so hard mother fuckers wanna find me.
- Thank you and goodnight.
- That shit cray.
- That shit is relatively cray.