BUT I GOT, LIKE,A BAD PIECE OF CHICKEN,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,WHERE THERE'S LIKE A LIGAMENT

OR A TENDON IN ITOR SOMETHING?

IT WAS LIKE A WET CRUNCH,AND YOU CAN, LIKE,

FEEL THAT SOMETHING DIEDFOR THIS MEAL, YOU KNOW?

LIKE A BIT OF ITS SOULGOT TRAPPED IN THE TENDON.

WHEN I BIT INTO IT,

IT SHOT ITS FINAL THOUGHTTHROUGH MY BRAIN LIKE,

"I LIKE SUNSHINE.WHAT'S IN YOUR HAND? AHH!"

(laughter)

RUIN YOUR DAY.

COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO,I GOT REALLY INTO HARRY POTTER.

(scattered cheering)HAVE YOU--AH!IT'S REALLY GOOD!

THE BOOKS,I'M NOT DONE WITH THEM.

NO SPOILERS.I'M ON BOOK SIX.

BUT I RESISTED FOR YEARS'CAUSE I WAS LIKE

IF THAT MANY PEOPLE LIKE IT,HOW GOOD COULD IT BE?

PRETTY (bleep) GOOD!(laughter)

IT'S PRETTY (bleep) GOOD!

AND NOT JUST FROMA MAGIC THING, LIKE,

FROM A VICARIOUS STANDPOINT,YOU KNOW?

'CAUSE IT'S THIS KID,HE TRANSFERS,

AND THEN HIS LIFEIS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

AND, LIKE, I TRANSFERRED INHIGH SCHOOL AND IT WAS AWFUL.

IT WAS, LIKE,PEOPLE DISLIKED ME

JUST 'CAUSE I WAS NEW.

LIKE ON VALENTINE'S DAY,THESE (bleep) SENT A GIRL

A BOUQUET WITH MY NAME ON THEM

AND THEN A BIRD (bleep)ON MY HEAD,

AND I HIDIN THE LIBRARY ALL DAY.

THAT IS A TRUE STORY.NONE OF THAT IS LIES.

BUT HOW AWESOME WOULDIT HAVE BEEN IF I TRANSFERRED

AND EVERYBODY WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE KUMAIL NANJIANI?

(laughter)

"YOU'RE THE MOST FAMOUS BOYIN THE WORLD!

(laughter)

YOU ARE NOW THE SEEKERON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM."

THEY PLAY QUIDDITCH.

BUT HERE'S MY ONLY THINGWITH HARRY POTTER.

THIS IS MY ONLY ISSUE WITH IT.

SO THEY, UH--THEY GO TO THIS SCHOOL

AND THEY TAKE CLASSES,

LIKE DEFENSE AGAINSTTHE DARK ARTS

AND POTIONS AND DIVINATION,

BUT THEY SHOULD BE TAKING,LIKE, MATH ALSO, RIGHT?

WHY ARE THERE NO MATH TEACHERSAT HOGWARTS?

OR HISTORY OR GEOGRAPHY?

THEY'RE GETTING TESTEDON CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES.

NEVER HEARD OF THE HOLOCAUST.

(laughter)

IT'S IMPORTANT INFORMATION,I THINK.

AND I DON'T THINK THEY'REGETTING TO IT

IN HISTORY OF MAGIC.

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE LIKE,"IF YOU THINK VOLDEMORT IS EVIL,

"THIS (bleep) GUY.

(laughter)

"AND HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVETHE KILLING CURSE.

HE HAD TO (bleep) DO IT.HE USED ENGINEERING."

"ENGINEERING, IS THAT ONEOF THE UNFORGIVABLE CURSES?"

"NO, IT'S JUST A PRACTICALAPPLICATION OF PHYSICS."

"PHYSICS, IS THAT ONEOF THE UNFORGIVABLE--"

"YES, IT IS."

(laughter)