Bob Odenkirk - Going to Jail

Cathy Ladman & Bob Odenkirk Season 1, Ep 0109 02/24/1992 Views: 4,283

They say a year in the clink is equal to a hundred outside. (2:38)

AND I HIT AN ANIMAL WITH IT.

DID YOU EVER DO THAT?

YOU'RE DRIVING ALONG,ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU HEAR THAT...

( crunch )

YOU GET THAT ADRENALINE RUSH,YOU KNOW.

I GOT OUT OF THE CAR, THERE WASBLOOD EVERYWHERE AND RABBIT FUR.

THE LADY WHO WAS WEARING IT WASJUST HOBBLING ACROSS THE STREET.

I KEPT DRIVING, THOUGH, BECAUSEI HAD TO GET BACK INTO THE CITY.

I NOTICED A STATE TROOPER'S REDLIGHTS IN MY REARVIEW MIRROR.

I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS BECAUSEI WAS DRIVING ON A TICKET.

THE COP APPROACHED THE CAR

AND OF COURSE, THE FIRST THINGHE ASKED FOR WAS MY LICENSE.

SO I HANDED HIMTHE SPEEDING TICKET.

THEN HE SAID,"UNLESS YOU CAN POST $100 BOND

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE YOUDOWN TO THE POLICE STATION."

NOW, IN AN ATTEMPT TO BRINGSOME LEVITY TO THE SITUATION

I REMARKED, "I'VE NEVER BEENTO A POLICE STATION BEFORE."

WHEN WE ARRIVED...

( laughter )

I GOT ONE PHONE CALL.

I CALLED MY BEST FRIEND JOE

AND LEFT A MESSAGEON HIS ANSWERING MACHINE

AND THE OFFICER SAID,"UNTIL THAT BOND ARRIVES

"I'M GOING TO HAVETO KEEP YOU IN A CELL.

HOPEFULLY IT WON'T BE MORETHAN ONE OR TWO HOURS."

STARTING TO GET SERIOUS.

THEY HAD ME EMPTY OUTMY POCKETS.

THEY TOOK MY WALLET, MY KEYS,MY SHOELACES--

EVERYTHING EXCEPT MY PRIDE.

THAT AND MY FEARSAND MY HOPES AND DREAMS...

( scattered laughter )

AND MY LOVE OF ORIGAMI...

( laughter )

AND MY ABILITYTO CREATE THE ILLUSION

OF WALKING AGAINST THE WIND.

WELL, YOU GET THE IDEA--I WAS ALONE.

THERE IS NO SOUNDMORE UNFORGIVING

THAN THE CLANG OF PRISON BARSSHUTTING BEHIND YOU.

THERE WAS NO ONE AROUND EXCEPTFOR THE GUY ACROSS THE HALL.

I COULD TELL BY THE WAYHE WAS SLEEPING AND HIS DROOL

THAT HE WAS A WINO.

"I'M NOT GOING TO BE YOUR BOY!"

( laughter )

I YELLED, ALMOST WAKING HIM UP.

YEAH, THIS PLACE WAS RIPEFOR A RIOT.

I BEGAN PACING MY CELLLIKE A CAGED ANIMAL.

I'D ALWAYS BELIEVEDTHAT OLD SAYING

THAT THE FIRST 15 MINUTESIN JAIL ARE THE TOUGHEST

UNTIL I EXPERIENCEDTHE FIVE MINUTES AFTER THAT.

THEY SAY A YEAR IN THE CLINKIS EQUAL TO 100 OUTSIDE.

EVERY MINUTE SEEMED LIKE FIVE.

I DID SOME CALCULATING AND ICONCLUDED THAT IF I'D BEEN A DOG

THE 20 MINUTES I'D SPENT IN HEREWOULD'VE BEEN EQUAL TO 3h YEARS.

I DECIDED THAT WAS TOO LONG

AND IT WAS TIMETO MAKE A BREAK FOR IT

SO I'D ATTEMPTED TO CARVEA REALISTIC-LOOKING HANDGUN

OUT OF LIQUID SOAP.

NO DICE.