RETURN OCTOBER 2014
You know, I mean, really bad.
Bad. I mean, you talk to him,
it's like talkingto the Cowardly Lion.
I go, "Hey, you throwthe trash out?"
"Is this one ours?"
So, you know, I-I figure I gotto, I got to find out what's up.
So I call my agent.
I have this Jewish agent,his name is Marty Cohen.
In Spanish, it's (bleep).And, uh...
So I go, "Hey, man, get me a gigto open for some hip-hop group,
some rap group,something, you know."
So he calls me later, he says,
"Hey, I got you a gigopening for Ice Cube."
"Okay." I didn't knowwho Ice Cube was.
I know who he is now,I just didn't know then, right?
So, we get tothe L.A. Coliseum-- true story--
get to the L.A. Coliseum,
it's me and (chuckles goofily)over here.
L.A. Coliseum--45,000 people to see Ice Cube.
And I'm the opening act, so Ifigure, well, I'll go meet him.
So I go backstageand I walk back,
and I go,"Hey, what's up, Ice Cream?"
He gets mad at me, man.
"Hey, I ain't Ice Cream, punk.
"I'm Cube, money.
What's up, dawg?Man, what's up?!"
"I'm the comic, man.
"I'm gonna come outand do some jokes,
and then you come out and dowhatever you do, all right?"
"Yeah, you all right,comedy dawg.
"Yo, check this out.
I got some hoochieshooked up for later..."
I felt like a white guy.
"Uh, well, actually, nothing.I...
"I'm just here with my son, uh,
"for an afternoon of-of fun,entertainment.
"Uh... salutations to you.
"So thank you very much,M-Mr. Cucumber? Cu...?
Mr. Cuban, thank you."
So I walk outside,and there's some
other rappersover there and stuff.
I don't knowwhat they're saying, man,
but I'm standing next to them,you know, listening to them.
Start getting an attitudefor myself, right?
Start grabbing my crotchfor no reason,
talking about, "Yeah, yeah!"
Went home with that attitude,
knocked the door downat my house.
(makes thumping noise)
Told my wife,"Yo, girl, what's up?!"
My wife looked at me, she said,"Look here, Too Fat Shakur.