The Demon Chick

  • Season 1 , Ep 1
  • 03/17/2010
  • Views: 262,175

You know that time when you've just moved to the city, and you take the first apartment you find on CraigsList with some dude you never expected? (2:07)

[evil laughter]

- [moans]

- [in demon voice]SEE YOU IN HELL, MORTAL SCUM.

[banging at door]

- [growls]

- YOU KNOW THAT TIME WHENYOU'VE JUST MOVED TO THE CITY

AND YOU TAKE THE FIRST APARTMENTYOU FIND ON CRAIGSLIST

WITH SOME DUDEYOU NEVER EXPECTED?

THAT'S WHEREMY STORY BEGINS.

THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED.

- OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE STILL BANGINGTHAT DEMON CHICK?

I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GETTINGMURDERED IN HERE LAST NIGHT.

- YEAH, YEAH, CALLIEHAS SOME HOSTILITY ISSUES.

- OH, YOU THINK?

MY FRIEND RAY CHEWED OFFA GUY'S BALL BAG ONCE,

AND THAT WHOLE PROCESSWAS LESS NOISY.

- WOULD YOU MIND UNHINGINGTHE BEDPOSTS, PLEASE?

- [grunts]

- I CAN GET SOMEBODY OUT THEREFRIDAY BETWEEN 9:00 AND 9:00.

- CAN YOU NARROWTHAT TIME FRAME A LITTLE?

- BUDDY, I GOT ZOMBIESPUTTING ARMS THROUGH DOORS

ALL OVER MANHATTAN.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

- FRIDAY?

- WHAT PART OF"FRIDAY IS AFRICAN DANCE CLASS"

DO YOU NOT GET?

- RANDALL AND IWERE IN THE SAME BOAT

AS FAR AS WOMEN WENT.

HE'D "GONE ZOMBIE"A FEW MONTHS BACK

FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.

- I REALLY LIKE YOU,

BUT I KIND OF ONLYDATE ZOMBIES, SO...

[harp glissando]

SORRY, I'M JUST REALLYINTO WARLOCKS NOW.

- NEVER MAKE LIFE DECISIONSWITH A HARD-ON

AND A FIFTH OF TEQUILA.

- CRAP!

- WHAT DO YOUGOT GOING ON TODAY?

- THOUGHTI'D STARE BLANKLY AHEAD

WITH COLD, DEAD EYESFOR A WHILE, HOW I DO.

MAYBE CHECK OUT KUNG FU PANDA.

[spoon clinks]

OH, BY THE WAY,

THIS THING THAT YOU GOT GOINGWITH CALLIE,

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

- BUT?

- IT'S JUST THAT I WOULDN'TTOUCH HER WITH MY [bleep],

AND IT'S DEAD, SO...

- YOU HAVE A LITTLE, UH...

- MILK?LITTLE BIT OF MILK PROBABLY?

- NO, S-SKIN.

- DID I GET IT?

- YEAH, YOU'RE GOOD.

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