Bobby Slayton - Dressing Yourself

Bobby Slayton & Margaret Cho Season 1, Ep 49 02/24/1992 Views: 2,656

Gay black men are the best dressers. (3:02)

SEE, WOMEN, YOU KNOW...

I CAN'T WEAR STUFF LIKE THATOR SILLY HATS LIKE THAT.

WHEN GUYS WEAR STUPID HATS--

GET A SHOT OF THIS GUY.

SEE, THAT'S A STUPID HATBECAUSE YOU'RE A GUY.

THE ONLY REASON THATI'M WEARING THIS JACKET

IS BECAUSE MY WIFEPICKED IT OUT.

MEN WILL WEAR ANYTHINGIF A WOMAN SAYS IT LOOKS GOOD.

THEY'LL WATCH YOU TRY CRAP ON.

AND YOU KNOW WHY, GUYS?

BECAUSE WOMEN USED TO BELITTLE GIRLS

AND WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE GIRLSTHEY HAD DOLLS

AND NOW THEY GOT YOU.

YOU ARE THEIR LITTLE DOLL.

WOMEN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND

WHY YOU HAVE SUCHA TOUGH TIME SHOPPING FOR GUYS.

YOU ALWAYS GO,"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO GET HIM."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,YOU DON'T KNOW?

FIRST OF ALL,A GUY WILL WEAR ANYTHING.

CASE IN POINT--THE GUY WITH THE HAT.

YOU COULD BUYA BOZO COSTUME FOR A GUY

TELL HIM HOW GREAT HIS BUTTLOOKS AND HE'LL WEAR IT.

"MAYBE I'LL GETTHE BIG SHOES AND THE HAIR."

THE POINT IS, WOMEN, WE'RETHE ONES WITH THE HEADACHE.

YOU GIRLS DON'T UNDERSTAND WHATWE GO THROUGH SHOPPING FOR YOU.

MEN CAN'T EVENSHOP FOR THEMSELVES.

L.A., WHICH IS ONEOF THE COOLER CITIES--

YOU'RE COOL-LOOKING PEOPLE

EXCEPT FOR THIS GUYWITH THE HAIR--

WE'LL GET TO YOU IN A SECOND.

BUT YOU GO TO ANYMEN'S STORE IN THIS TOWN

AND LOOK AT GUYSPICKING OUT CLOTHES.

NOT BLACK GUYS.

BLACK GUYS KNOW HOW TO DRESS.

BLACK GUYS AND GAY GUYS.

AND BLACK GAY GUYS--THEY'RE THE BEST.

I'M TALKING...

( applause )

ABOUT YOUR AVERAGEDORKY WHITE MAN.

YOUR WIFE WON'T TELL YOU BECAUSESHE KNOWS WHEN SHE'S NOT AROUND

EVEN HOOKERS WON'T DO YOUDRESSED LIKE THAT.

GO TO ANY MEN'S DEPARTMENT

IT'S LIKE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD.

GUYS ARE WALKING AROUNDLIKE BUMPER CARS

HOLDING UP UNDERWEAR.

"WHAT DO I DO?""HOW DO I PAY FOR THIS?"

"SOMEBODY HELP ME."

YOU EVER SEE A GUYSHOPPING WITH HIS WIFE?

IT'S LIKE,"HONEY, DO I LIKE THIS?"

"HONEY, DOES THIS GO?DOES THIS FIT?"

THAT'S WHY I SAID, WOMEN,I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND

WHAT A TRAUMATICEXPERIENCE IT IS.

HAVE YOU GUYS EVER ASKEDYOUR WIFE WHAT SIZE SHE WEARS?

"I WEAR A THREE UNLESSYOU BUY ME A BATHING SUIT

"THEN IT MAY BE A THREE-FOUR.

"SEE, SOMETIMES THE TOP'SA THREE AND THE BOTTOM'S A FOUR.

"IN A SKIRTI WEAR FIVE-SIX OR A PETITE.

"UNLESS YOU BUY ME A SWEATER

"THEN I LIKE THEM BIGSO GET ME A MEDIUM.

UNLESS IT'S COTTON, THEN ITCAN SHRINK, SO I TAKE A LARGE."

WHAT DO YOU WEAR?EVERY DAMN SIZE?

IT'S LIKE COLORS, YOU KNOW.

I DON'T THINK MEN--

HOLD IT TO THE END,GIVE ME A BIG ONE AT THE END--

I DON'T THINK MENUNDERSTAND THE COLOR SCHEMES.

MEN HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR ANYTHING.

YOU KNOW, I GET READYIN, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES

AND I'M OUT THE DOOR.

AND WOMEN-- "DOES THIS GO?"

"YEAH, IT GOES.

"LET'S CONJUGATE GO.

THAT GOES, YOU GO,WE GO, LET'S GO."

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANTTO WEAR YOUR FUCHSIA DRESS

WITH THE PERSIMMON STOCKSWITH THE AVOCADO HAT.

WHAT ARE YOU,HALF HUMAN, HALF CRAYON?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?