Bill Burr - Women Are Absolutely Right

Burr, Fox, Fulchiron, Bjorgen, Lenox, Rontowski, Johnagin Season 1, Ep 5 08/10/2006 Views: 34,125

Bill Burr knows how to make a zillion dollars. (1:23)

I've been doing thisfor quite a while now, man.

I got to be honestwith you, man.

I just wantto make a zillion bucks.

You know, go home,stare at the wall, you know?

So, I actually came upwith a scheme, right?

I'm gonna quit doingthis comedy stuff.

I'm gonna write a book on,like, relationships, you know?

My girl's always watchingthat Oprah show.

So I see people love readingabout relationships.

I'm gonna write a book on it.

It's gonna be called Women Are Absolutely Right. Right?

Chapter one's gonna be"Women are ( bleep ).

( laughter )You know?

Chapter two, "If Guys JustListen To Women,

There'll Be No War."Right?

Then, in the back of the book,I'll have, like, a picture of me

in, like, a turtleneck sweater

with, like, the gayest lookever, just like...

( laughter and applause )

You know? So I look likeI really understand women.

And then, a bunch of womenwill go out and buy the book,

and they'll take it home

to their boyfriendor the husband.

"You see that? Look at that.

"A guy wrote this.

You really need to read this."

Meanwhile, I makea zillion dollars, right?

I go out, I buy a big house.

( laughter )I get some whores.

I fly 'em all in,get 'em all tested.

Just start banging away, right?

And then, right in the middleof humping one of them,

you take a picturefor next year's book called

Ha! Ha! You Stupid Bitches.

Then all the guys buy it.

( applause )

Yeah...and they take it home

to their girlfriendor their wife.

"Ah! You see that?

"That's the guyin the turtleneck sweater.

You financed this."

Keep yourselves going.