Jack Coen - Death

  • Season 2 , Ep 11
  • 09/03/1999
  • Views: 1,656

Funeral directors will rip you off big time. (2:31)

IS THAT MY TEMPER'S NOT AS BADAS IT USED TO BE.

I USED TO HAVE A REALLY--DO YOU HAVE A BAD TEMPER?

SOME... YEAH, YOU DO.

YOU JUST HAVE ITWHEN YOU'RE 20, 19

20... YOU JUST

( growling )

THAT'S THE WAY I WASALL THE TIME.

I WAS THE KIND OF GUY WHENI BANGED MY HEAD ON A CABINET

I'D PUNCH THE CABINET

LIKE SOMEHOW THE CABINETDID IT ON PURPOSE.

YOU KNOW... BAM!OH, BAM! OH!

( grumbling )

AND THAT RAGE IS STILL THERE

IT JUST DOESN'T OVERWHELM MELIKE IT DID WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.

NOW, IT'S LIKE, BAM!

( laughing )

( laughing ):OH, YOU'RE LUCKY.

YOU'RE SO LUCKY.

( sighs )

DO YOU HAVE A WILL?

NO, YOU DON'THAVE A WILL.

YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHINGTO LEAVE YET.

YOU KNOW WHY YOU NEED A WILL?

'CAUSE IT COSTS WAY TOO MUCHMONEY TO BURY SOMEBODY NOW.

YOU DON'T WANT YOUR--I DON'T WANT MY WIFE AND KIDS

TO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON MEGETTING ME IN THE GROUND.

YOU KNOW THE AVERAGE COST?ANYBODY KNOW?

$8,000-10,000 JUST TO GETSOMEBODY IN THE GROUND NOW.

WHAT A SCAM.

REMEMBER THE OLD DAYS?GRANDMA DIED...

YOU BROUGHT HERIN THE BACKYARD;

YOU BURIED HER.

TRACT HOUSING RUINED THAT.

YOU CAN'T SELL YOUR HOUSETO A FAMILY WITH A PET.

TWO WEEKS LATER:

WHAT YOU GOT THERE, BOY?

IS THAT AN ARTIFICIAL HIP?

IT COSTS TOO MUCH MONEY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THESE FUNERAL DIRECTORS,THEY'RE THE WORST.

THEY WILL RIP YOU OFF BIG TIME

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,YOU'VE LOST YOUR LOVED ONE

YOU'RE DISTRAUGHT

YOU GO THEREAND THAT GUY, HE KNOWS IT.

HE TAKES ADVANTAGE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SITTING,GOING, "WHATEVER IT TAKES."

( as funeral director ):WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO WANTEXTRA PADDING IN THE CASKET.

HE'S GOING TO BE DOWN THEREA LONG TIME.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT;YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW.

MY FATHER DIED YEARS BACK

AND I WATCHED THIS GUYSELL MY MOTHER A $700 PILLOW.

YEAH, I DIDN'T WANTTO ARGUE WITH HER.

SHE JUST LOST HER SOUL MATE.

BUT I KEPT THINKING

GEEZ, MOM, LET'S JUST TAKETHE ONE OFF THE BED.

( laughing )

IT WAS HIS FAVORITE.

AT THE VERY LEAST

LET'S GO TOBED, BATH AND BEYOND.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THAT.

( applause )

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