Tom Rhodes - Bad Traveling

  • Season 5 , Ep 6
  • 08/05/2001
  • Views: 2,390

When American's travel, they become the suggestion box for their country. (1:55)

I'VE BEEN PLAYING, I'VE BEEN

PERFORMING IN EUROPE A LOT

EVERYBODY.

I'VE BEEN PLAYING IN--

I WAS JUST IN ENGLAND AND THAT'S

A REAL HONOR FOR ME TO GO TO THE

HONKEY MOTHER LAND.

GET IN TOUCH WITH THE ORIGIN OF

THE DORKY HONKEYNESS AND WHERE

IT COMES FROM, YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE HARD ON AMERICANS

THOUGH, MAN.

THEY'LL HECKLE YA IN ENGLAND AS

AN AMERICAN FOR THINGS YOU HAVE

NO IDEA, SCREW YOU AND THE

PANAMA CANAL TREATY OF 1874.

THAT'S GOT NOTHIN TO DO...

WHA... THEY'RE HARD ON

AMERICANS, MAN.

THEY FIND OUT YOU'RE AMERICAN

AND YOU BECOME THE SUGGESTION

BOX FOR AMERICA.

THESE PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU

EVERYTHING THAT THEY THINK

IS WRONG WITH AMERICA.

OH, YOU'RE AMERICAN, HUH?

AMERICANS ARE FAT AND STUPID

AND LAZY.

LIKE I'M GOING TO COME BACK

HERE.

COME HERE EVERYBODY, HUDDLE UP.

COME HERE, I'VE GOT A MESSAGE.

(LAUGHTER)

SCREW THEM, MAN.

I COULDN'T FIND ENGLISH MUFFINS

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

IT WAS STUPID.

DON'T CALL 'EM ENGLISH MUFFINS

IF YOU CAN'T FIND IT IN ENGLAND.

THE FOOD IS TERRIBLE THERE,

THAT'S NO JOKE.

IF YOU GO THERE, DON'T EVEN

BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES.

WEAR WHAT YOU'VE GOT ON AND

BRING A SUITCASE FULL OF

SANDWICHES.

(LAUGHTER)

THEY GOT THIS ENGLISH BREAKFAST,

MAN.

BEWARE.

WHAT MAKES IT AN ENGLISH

BREAKFAST, THEY POUR BAKED BEANS

ALL OVER YOUR EGGS.

(AUDIENCE GROANS)

PRECISELY.

WHAT AN INCONSIDERATE WAY TO

START YOUR DAY.

WITH A BUNCH OF ASS FUEL.

THE FIRST TIME I WAS IN ENGLAND,

MAN, AND MY EGGS SHOWED UP WITH

BEANS ALL OVER IT AND I THOUGHT:

WAITER, THERE'S BEEN A MISHAP

IN THE KITCHEN.

AH, SOMEONE MUST HAVE STUMBLED.

AND THE DUDE GETS ALL SASSY

WITH ME, MAN.

NO, THAT'S ENGLISH BREAKFAST,

THAT'S HOW IT COMES.

WELL, THE GERMANS SHOULD HAVE

DROPPED COOKBOOKS ON YOU MOTHER

(BLEEP).

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