Chris D'Elia - Sitting on the Power

  • Season 15, Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 26,597

If Chris D'Elia had one super power it would be to make chicks fart at any time. (2:55)

HERE-- I'LL TELLYOU, RIGHT NOW.

IF I HAD ONE SUPER POWER,I WOULD WANT ONE THING.

I WOULDN'T NEED TO FLY,OR BE INVISIBLE,

OR HAVE SUPER STRENGTH,WHATEVER THAT IS.

I'D WANT ONE THING,

AND THAT WOULD BETO MAKE CHICKS FART.

THAT'D BE AWESOME!

[audience laughing]

RIGHT, A GIRL CAN'T ARGUEAND DO SOMETHING ELSE.

NO WAY, RIGHT?

YOU'RE HANGING ON AS--BY A THREAD, AS IT IS, RIGHT?

A DUDE COULD--A DUDE COULD FART.

A-A-A MAN-- A DUDEWOULD GO LIKE THIS.

HE'D BE LIKE,"HEY, MAN, I HATE YOU!

[imitating flatulence]

"AND ANOTHER THING...

[audience laughing]

[imitating flatulence]

"OH, YEAH--THAT REMINDS ME."

A GIRL COULDNEVER DO IT.

THIS IS HOW IT'DGO DOWN A GIRL.

SHE'D BE LIKE,"YOU KNOW WHAT?

"YOU'RE OUT LATE ALLTHE TIME, AND I JUST--

[imitating flatulence]AH!

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

[sobbing]

"WHAT ARE YOUDOING TO ME?

"NO--[flatulence]

"STOP IT!

[flatulence]

"NO--STAY OVER THERE.

"DON'T COME IN THIS AREA--IT SMELLS LIKE CRAP."

[audience laughing]

THAT'D BEAWESOME, MAN!

SO, I'M SINGLE NOW.

[audience laughing]

YEAH, ALLRIGHT-- COOL.

I LIKE THAT, MAN.

I DON'T KNOW, SO,SO, I GOT A DATE,

AND THAT'S WEIRD--LIKE, DATING SUCKS, MAN.

IF YOU LIKE DATING,JUST GET OUTTA HERE, MAN.

YOU GOTTA SIT ACROSS FROMSOMEBODY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW,

AT A RESTAURANT YOUCOULD CARE LESS ABOUT,

AND YOU STAY STUFF,ESPECIALLY AS A GUY,

YOU SAY STUFF THAT YOU WOULDNEVER SAY, EVER, IN REAL LIFE,

LIKE, "WOW!"

[audience laughing]

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIMEYOU SAID, "WOW," AS A GUY,

TO BE HONEST,FOR REAL?

GIRLS-- GIRLS HAVE THE POWER,RIGHT AWAY, YOU KNOW IT,

'CAUSE WE WANTSOMETHIN' FROM YOU.

YOU KNOWWHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, YOU SIT ONTHE POWER-- YOU SIT ON IT.

LITERALLY, YOU'RESITTING ON THE POWER.

[audience laughing]

YOU KNOW, AND YOUTAUNT US WITH IT, TOO,

'CAUSE YOU KNOW--YOU'RE JUST,

"UH-UH-UH-UH--UH-UH-UH-UH-UH.

"YOU BETTER PLAYYOUR CARDS RIGHT...

[audience laughing]

..."TO GET SOME BOOT-AY."

I FEEL LIKE THAT'SHOW IT IS IN YOUR HEAD.

LIKE, IT'S-- YOU'RE SINGINGAN R & B SONG OR SOMETHING.

JUST LIKE, "YOU BETTERPLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT, OW,

"TO GET SOME BOOT-AY."

YOUR FRIENDS AREIN THE BACKGROUND.

"YOU BETTER PLAYYOUR CARDS RIGHT, OW,

"TO GET HER BOOT-AY."

[cheers and applause]

Loading...