Dom Irrera - The Name "Dom"

  • Season 3 , Ep 7
  • 07/18/2000
  • Views: 10,898

Dom Irrera once got mistaken for Don Ameche. (3:21)

HAVE A PIECE OF SALAMI.

HAVE A PIECE OF GOBBLEDYGOOK.

HOW YOU GUYS DOING TONIGHT?

GREAT TO SEE YOU. GREATTO BE BACK ON COMEDY CENTRAL.

[applause]

NOW, I AM DOM IRRERA,WHICH IS A STAGE NAME,

ONE OF THOSE FANCYHOLLYWOOD NAMES,

YOU KNOW, MY AGENT GAVE ME.

MY REAL NAME, MY GOD-GIVEN NAME,MY MUSLIM NAME

IS MR. SLAPPY KINCAID.

I WAS NAMED AFTER MYGRANDFATHER, SLAPPOLA KINCAIDO,

WHO CAME HEREFROM THE OLD COUNTRY,

'CAUSE LET'S FACE IT--THINGS WEREN'T GOING TOO WELL.

MY GRANDFATHER HAD NOTHING.

"YOU KIDS TODAY WITH YOUR WATER.

"WHEN WE WERE KIDS,WE DIDN'T HAVE WATER.

"WE USED TO SUCK THE FLUIDOUT OF MUD,

"AND WE WERE GRATEFULFOR THAT FLUID.

"WE DIDN'T HAVE HANDS.

WE HAD FLIPPERS IN THOSE DAYS."

MY NAME IS DIFFICULTTO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW.

IT'S LIKE NOBODY BELIEVES ME.THEY DON'T LISTEN.

I GO, "DOM."

THEY ARGUE WITH MELIKE I DON'T KNOW MY NAME.

I SAY, "DOMINIC."

I'LL GO, "DOM."THEY'LL GO, "DON?"

"DOM."

"DAN?"

"DOM."

"DON?"

"DOM."

"DONNA?"

"YEAH, DONNA."

"DOMMY DON TOM DON?SLAPPY, IS THAT YOU?"

SOME GUY RECOGNIZED MEIN WEST PALM.

HE GOES, "MAN, YOU ARE ONE OF MYFAVORITE COME--I LOVE YOU."

HE GOES,"YOU'RE MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN.

UH, DON AMECHE, RIGHT?"

OKAY, I'M DON AMECHE.

I DIED ABOUT EIGHT YEARS AGO,BUT I'M STILL DOING MY ACT.

I JUST CAN'T LET GO OF THE ACT.

[laughter]

NOW, I DON'T WANT TO BRAG,ALL RIGHT,

BUT I TAKE COMPLETE CREDITFOR THE SOPRAN AS IT IS TODAY

AND GODFATHERS I AND II,BECAUSE THEY WATCHED MY ACT.

THEY WATCHED MY,"BADDA-BOOM, BADDA-BING,"

AND, GOD BLESS THEM,RUN WITH IT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

I HAVE A SCHOOL FOR ITALIANS

WHERE I USED TO TEACH ITALIANSHOW TO BE MORE ITALIAN:

TEACH THEM HOW TO CRANK UP THEIRASS, HOW TO PICK THEMSELVES UP,

HOW TO SAYALL THE CATCH ITALIAN PHRASES--

"FORGET ABOUT IT.

"DEFINITELY.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YO, WHO DIED AND LEFT YOU BOSS?"

TEACH ALL THE ITALIAN VOWELS:"AH, AY, EE, OH, OOOOOH."

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID,I LIVED IN SOUTH PHILLY,

AND I WOULD SEE THE GUYSON THE CORNER.

THAT'S WHEN I LEARNED FROM THEM.

I'D SEE THEM."HEY, LOUIE? NOUGHT FOR NOUGHT.

"HOW COME YOUDON'T COME AROUND, EH?

"EVERYBODY WAS AROUNDOVER HERE--

"LITTLE PETEY, BIG PETEY,REGULAR PETEY.

"JOEY BAG-OF-DONUTS WAS HERE.

"JIMMY THE WALLMANS,NICKY POTATO SALAD,

"SQUID LID, MUSCLES MARINARA,

"IRREGULAR PETEY,CARMELA LEMON-COLA,

"ORTHOPETEY, REPEATY,

"NICKY SCUNGILLI,AND THE FIVE BACCALA' BROTHERS.

"HOW COME YOU DON'T COME AROUND?

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

[applause]

"I DIDN'T EVEN KNOWYOU WAS AROUND.

"IF I'DA KNOWN THAT,I'DA BEEN AROUND.

ARIGHT? ARIGHT?ARIGHT?"

EVEN THE COEN BROTHERSRIPPED ME OFF,

AND I LOVE THE COEN BROTHERS,GOD BLESS THEM.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI?

MY LINES, VERBATIM,BUT AT LEAST THEY LET ME DO IT.

RIGHT?

MY UNCLE JOE--"UNCLE JOE, HOW YOU DOIN'?"

"AH, MY WIFE'SA PAIN IN THE ASS.

"SHE ALWAYS BUSTIN'MY FRICKIN' CHOPS.

"MY DAUGHTER'S MARRIEDTO A LOSER BASTARD.

"I GOT A RASH SO BAD ON MY ASS,I CAN'T EVEN SIT DOWN.

"BUT YOU KNOW ME, DOM.I CAN'T COMPLAIN.

NOT MY STYLE."

AND I LOVE BEING A COMEDIAN.

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