Yeah, yeah.No, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no!

Oh!

(announcer) Mission failed.

You suck.

Oh, you're so close.That was close.

Okay, I want to try,what do I need to know?

Yeah, yeah, okay, well,just let me switch my character

'cause you willruin my rating.

There we go.

Now, it's just like"Call of Duty,"

except the gameplayis way more realistic, so.

Oh, cool,I can be a girl.

Yeah.

Knock yourself out.

I'm gonna grab us beers.

Oh, she's cute.

(man) Listen up, soldiers.

We've received intel that there are insurgents

hiding in that village.

Let's go.

Wait,why am I not moving?

You hang back, private.

What...

♪

(controller clicking)

Wait, what--What the (bleep), no.

(sighs)

No--

What are you doinghanging out in the barrack

all by yourself, lazy?

No, I--I think--

I think my characterwas just raped.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.Yeah.

That's never happened to me,

you must have pressedthe wrong button.

That's not part of the game.

Ted, trust me,it happened.

No.

(announcer) You were just assaulted

by a fellow soldier.

Do you wish to report?

Yeah.Weird.

Uh-huh.What is this?

You know what?

Let me go checkthe message boards.

Yes, I wish to report it.

(announcer) Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

Did you know he has a family?

No.

Does that change your mind about reporting?

No.

What?

Level 25 unlocked.

My God.

It's just likea ton of paperwork.

♪

Okay.

This is great.

Have you seen this pictureof the big, fat Japanese baby?

You're supposed to be checkingthe message boards.

Oh, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you gotta seethat picture later.

(announcer) Paperwork complete.

Welcome to the Pentagon, soldier.

Good luck!

Ooh, the Pentagon.

Watch out, they're attacking your character.

There isn't evenanyone around me.

(man 2) What were you wearing?

Be a team player. Occupational hazard.

You got to go along to get along.

(announcer) Character assassination complete.

Attention, soldier.

Your attacker was found guilty in a military court.

Yes, finally,thank you.

But his commanding officer chose to reject that decision,

so he is now back on active duty.

What?!

They can do that?

What the (bleep) is this game?

(bleep) your (bleep) stupidmilitary bull (bleep)!

Hey, hey, hey, hey,language, language.

Be a lady.This is insane.

Why would anyonewant to play this?

Look it.

I checked the message boardsand it doesn't say anything,

so obviously you didsomething wrong.

It's probably bestyou don't play, okay?

(video game music)

Here we go.

(mimics gunfire)

Why are youmaking that noise?

It helps.

(mimics gunfire)