Jim Norton - Sex with Animals

Jim Norton: Please Be Offended Season 1, Ep 0101 04/20/2013 Views: 9,272

Jim Norton applies his twisted logic to people who engage in bestiality. (1:32)

AND NOW THE REASON I SAID I WASUP IN THE AIR ON ANIMAL-[bleep].

PERSONALLY, I WOULD NEVER DO IT.

BUT I DON'T THINK THATWE SHOULD NECESSARILY DEMONIZE

PEOPLE WHO DO.

I THINK IT ALL DEPENDSON THE SIZE OF THE ANIMAL.

I THINK...

THERE HAS TO BEA HEIGHT-TO-WEIGHT RATIO.

LIKE, IF YOU'RE [bleep] A COW,YOU'RE NOT HURTING THE COW.

SOMEBODY WOULD TELL THE COW,"YOU KNOW THAT GUY'S

[bleep] YOU?"THE COW'S LIKE, "OH, I THOUGHT

WE WERE TAKING A PICTURE."

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE [bleep]A MINI DOBERMAN PINSCHER

OR A CHICKEN, YOU'RE A PIECEOF SHIT WHO'S A BULLY,

AND YOU SHOULD BE EXECUTED.

'CAUSE YOU'RE JUST A GUYWITH A SMALL DICK WHO'S TRYING

TO HURT SOMETHING SMALLER THANHIMSELF, AND YOU'VE NEVER MADE

A WOMAN GO, "OW!"SO YOU FIGURE

THE CHICKEN GOES LIKE...

[gobbles]AND YOU'RE LIKE,

"[bleep], I'LL TAKE IT.

I'LL TAKE IT."

BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUNISHSOMEBODY.

FIRST OF ALL,MY ERECTIONS ARE SO TENTATIVE,

IF THE PHONE RINGS,I AM LIMP FOR A HALF HOUR.

HOW ANYBODY KEEPS AN ERECTIONWHILE LOCKING A BARN DOOR,

SETTING UP A LADDER,KICKING HAY OUT OF THE WAY,

HOLDING A TAIL AND [bleep] ANANIMAL WITH A BELL AROUND ITS

NECK, IF YOU CAN EJACULATE LIKETHAT, WE SHOULD ELECT YOU

TO CONGRESS.

'CAUSE YOU'RE A PERSON WHO'SNOT GONNA BUCKLE TO SPECIAL

INTEREST PRESSURE.

"VOTE FOR ME.

I CAN [bleep] A RHINOFOR 45 MINUTES."